salixbabylon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
salixbabylon) wrote2007-05-03 11:18 am
salixbabylon) wrote2007-05-03 11:18 am
Entry tags:
Fic: Virulentus Somnium (Harry/Severus, 4/9)
Title: Virulentus Somnium
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
salixbabylon
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry/Severus
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: 37,100 total
Disclaimer: Characters and places in this story, which appear in the Harry Potter novels, belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros. and Scholastic. I don't make, or intend to make money out of them. They just wouldn't leave me alone
Summary: Two years after graduation, Harry's having nightmares at Hogwarts. Who will wake him up?
Previous Chapters
Part 4
10 AM, Day 3
Several hours later the light seeping in through the dungeon windows dappled the two sleepers. Both had shifted as the night passed, the smaller figure now wrapped around the larger one.
Images began to float through Harry's consciousness, the first to enter his sleeping mind since he drank the potion. Vague, unfocused images, more sense-feelings than visual pictures, feelings of warm skin, a hot mouth on his neck, a tongue licking gently at his lips, his body melting and warming with desire. The images began to tumble together in his mind, faster and faster - hands holding him close, skin against his own, a body pressing into his.
Still asleep, Harry shifted in the bed, closer to the body in his arms, burrowing his face between shoulder blades, tucking his knees up into firm thighs, shifting his erection into the warm backside, wrapping his arms around a lean chest. He breathed in the other's scent, the images seeming both more real and yet somehow slipping away from him. As the man in his arms shifted in his embrace, Harry began to wake up.
Slowly he realized that parts of the dream were still continuing; there actually was a warm body in his arms, pressed up against him, and his body was heavy with sleep but throbbing with arousal.
The potion worked. I didn't have bad dreams. It suddenly occurred to Harry that it was Snape he was holding. Wow, I should move. But he's still asleep. Is he having that dream? Sensual images flashed through his mind again. About another man? I should move... But I don't want to.
Harry relaxed back into a semi-dreaming state, relishing the novelty of holding someone and of having sexual feelings that weren't overwhelmed with guilt. Snape shifted in his embrace again, pushing against Harry's erection, waking him entirely.
Shit! What if he wakes up and feels it? What if he knows I saw part of his dream? What if-
Harry's worries were cut short by a low, deep moan - the single most erotic noise he had ever heard. From Snape, who was clearly still asleep.
Harry froze, listening with fascination as the other man's breathing quickened and Snape began to just barely rock his hips back against Harry's cock. Slowly Snape reached up and tugged at the hand that Harry was resting on his chest. Harry didn't know what to think at all when Snape moved that hand down to his stomach, between his thighs, and wrapped Harry's now sweating fingers around Snape's erection. Holding Harry's hand under his, Snape began to move them together, stroking his cock rapidly until he let out a choked groan and saturated their combined grasp with his climax.
Snape shuddered and sighed with deep satisfaction, then let go of Harry's hand and rolled over onto his stomach.
Still asleep.
Harry was most definitely awake.
*****
Severus woke up with his face pressed into the pillow, an unusual feeling of lassitude and contentment spreading throughout his body. Mmm... I haven't slept so well in years, he thought as he stretched. Pleasant dreams, relaxed body, the whole thing. The combined potions seem to have been a success.
Potion... Wait - I wasn't meant to be dreaming, pleasant or otherwise. And where is Harry?
He cautiously sent one hand out to feel for the other body that should have been there, but encountered nothing; he seemed to be alone in the bed. He relaxed back into the curious feeling of... Satiation? It began to occur to him that he felt exceptionally wonderful, more so than perhaps a decent night's sleep once a decade would account for.
Pleasant dreams? About what? He tried to remember. A few vague images floated through his head. Vague but undeniably sexual. Fuck. Was Harry still sharing my dreams at that point? Where is he anyway?
Making matters worse, as Severus shifted around to roll over the rest of his body came fully awake and passed on the information that his pants seemed surprisingly moist. His full bladder eliminated one possibility while a vivid flash of his dreams suggested another. Combined with the wonderful sensation still pervading his body (although rapidly being obliterated with each passing second of panic), his brain came to a conclusion.
Oh bloody buggering fuck. No. This can't be happening. This can't have happened. I'm not a hormonal teenager! It's been years since I had sex, but... Is it even possible for a grown man to have a wet dream?
He took a deep breath to try and calm himself, as bits of the dream flashed through his mind.
It seemed so real. Like there really was someone touching me, holding me. I know it was just a dream, but... I can still feel it, a warm spot on my chest where someone's hand rested.
And where the hell is Harry? Was he here during all of this? Did he share that dream? Was he still in bed with me?
Severus wanted to call out for Harry and see where he was, but thought better of it. Best get out of bed and cleaned up first. And then what? Pretend nothing happened?
He carefully opened his eyes as he rolled over, half expecting Harry to be sitting there watching him. The panic in his blood was turning into hopes of not getting caught as he silently slid out of bed and darted into the bathroom, grabbing his wand and murmuring a spell to clean the sheets as he went.
What am I going to do? he thought, stepping into the shower. What can I do? "Excuse me Harry, did you happen to still be under the influence of the dream sharing potion while I was having a sex dream? Or were you up and gone by then? You weren't by any chance touching me at all, were you? No, I thought not. So sorry to have suggested it." Bloody hell. Nothing I can do but hope he was gone.
I'll have to see if he acts differently or embarrassed; he'd never bring it up or ask about it. But he looks embarrassed so damn often anyway, how can I tell what's causing it? He certainly looked uncomfortable last night. Not just afraid of the potion or going to sleep, but afraid of getting in bed. Almost painfully embarrassed.
Abnormally embarrassed, he noted. There's something more to that, not just awkwardness at having to be physically close to a former professor for a spell to work. Something about it being in bed. Or being me...
And the way he was looking at me in the classroom...
Perhaps he could actually have been touching me? Severus wondered, incredulous.
Of course not; don't be ridiculous. What would beautiful young Harry Potter be touching you for? hissed a snide voice in his head, the one he thought of as his 'greasy bastard' voice.
Beautiful? Are you daft? The little brat is certainly not beautiful; he looks like his father! Suddenly there were way too many voices in his head, bickering and throwing insults around like darts.
But he is beautiful. And I want to take care of him. Help him. See him happy.
'See him happy'? You sappy, disgusting pouf!
Oh, shut it! Severus mentally yelled at all of his inner voices.
He finished brushing his teeth and slammed the cabinet door shut. Taking a deep breath, he tied the belt of his dressing gown and opened the door to go and look for Harry.
Who was sitting on the freshly made bed, dressed, hair wet from a shower, a slight flush staining his cheeks and an awkward smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
Oh shit, thought Severus. He knows.
*****
Harry had withdrawn from the bed as fast and as silently as possible, gathered up his robes, and sprinted down the hall to his rooms. He made it under the hot shower before he allowed the panicked jumble of thoughts and feelings in his head to transmute into words.
Oh dear god. Oh no.
That was so wonderful.
No! It was wrong, Harry's inner voices argued.
But good, it felt so wonderful. It's the first time I've ever touched anyone, the first sex in my life! Fantastic!
But with Snape! And he was asleep! It hardly counts.
Of course it counts! he argued.
But he was asleep; he didn't even want to be with me. Didn't even know I was there. And it wasn't me anyway, it was just a dream.
But it felt so bloody good. Intoxicatingly good - like luxurious crimson hot velvet fire in my veins. Holding him. The way his hand held mine, how his body felt pressed against me, the weight of his cock in my hand, the glorious noises he made...
But it was Snape!
No – Severus. Not my professor but my colleague, my friend, helping me. Caring for me.
No, no, no! Greasy mean nasty Potions Master Snape!
With soft, silky, inky black hair and smooth warm skin. And a firm body. Oh yes. Severus, with secrets and darkness and turmoil and strength. Who understands me, maybe. Who felt so wonderful, like birthdays and Christmases all rolled up together. So fantastic, holding him, crushed against him. Touching him, him rocking against me... I want that. I want more. Need it...
"Oh gods, yes, Severus!" Harry moaned as he climaxed, hot water raining down on his head. He hadn't even realized what his hands were doing, so lost was he in his thoughts.
Oh fuck. That was wonderful, he thought, catching his breath as the final shudders ran through his body.
Oh fuck. What have I done?
Hot water washed all evidence away. A strong feeling of guilt and horror and impending doom began to claw its way into Harry's thoughts, but he squelched it down for the moment. I haven't done anything that hurt anyone. And gods, that was the most brilliant orgasm of my life... Not that there have been many to compare it to...
Harry knew he had a great deal that he needed to think about and sort through, and that he'd be battling his guilt quite soon. Mostly though, he wanted to see Snape. Even if I can't say or do anything, I just want to see him. Severus. See if he's awake yet. I wonder what he's thinking about...
He finished up his shower, got dressed, and headed back to Snape's rooms. He couldn't choke down the joy threatening to spread over his face; the euphoric afterglow was making him light-headed. The door to Snape's rooms was still ajar from when he left and he was somewhat relieved that Snape was out of bed and apparently in the shower when he reached the bedroom.
He decided to make the bed while he waited, on the off-chance that Snape hadn't noticed the wet spot and to save him from any embarrassment. Harry couldn't even begin to decide what Snape's reaction might be if he knew what had happened.
He was surprised to find that the sheets were clean and dry, no evidence remaining. Doubt nibbled at his mind as he finished plumping up the pillows. Perhaps it was all entirely a dream? That doesn't seem possible, though. Maybe there's a charm to clean up. That would be useful to learn. Not that I've had need for one very often...
The door to the bathroom burst open with more force than seemed strictly necessary and Harry felt his face flush as he struggled not to burst into a huge grin.
Snape froze in the doorway, clearly startled.
"Good morning, er, Severus," Harry said awkwardly. "Did you sleep well? I'm sorry I left before you woke up, but I, uh, needed a shower."
The other man cleared his throat, searching his face intensely as the flush stained Harry's cheeks even more. "Yes, I noticed you were gone," he replied blandly. "I slept well, thank you. And you?"
Harry lost the battle for control of his features as a huge grin spread over his face. "I've never slept better."
Snape blinked at the enthusiastic response and cleared his throat again. He seemed awkward and Harry could only think of one reason why, but it was still disconcerting to see Snape look so self-conscious.
"Yes, well, good to hear. Um, perhaps we'll talk later about the upcoming night?" Snape said as he began to pull clothes out of the dresser and wardrobe, not so subtly dismissing him.
"OK, I'll see you at meals, then," Harry answered as he left the bedroom, a smile still tugging at the corners of his lips.
*****
2 PM, Day 3
Harry went about his day feeling better than he could remember ever feeling. Since it was the holidays and he had few responsibilities, he took a walk around the frozen lake, thinking the exercise would do him good. Also, far away from any witnesses, he could let his face break into a grin any time he wanted.
He felt elated and giddy whenever he thought about being in bed with Severus that morning. Which was pretty much all the time, until he approached the edges of the Forbidden Forest and his thoughts began to take a gloomier shape. His delight faded as horrible memories began to tug at him in their usual relentless way.
This morning was so wonderful. Amazing. I've never felt anything like that before. But... What now?
What's going to happen the next time I see him? What does he think? Does he even know I was touching him?
What if he's disgusted? What if he's not really even gay, that it was just some weird dream? You can't control your dreams; if anyone knows that, it's me. What if he freaks out? Or worse...
What if something bad happens to him? What if... What if I've somehow done it again, like with Malfoy? Harry shuddered and quickly clamped down on that train of thought.
No, that can't happen; Voldemort is dead now. He'll be all right. Snape – Severus - will be fine.
But I didn't see him at lunch... Where was he? Was he hiding in his office? Or is he... Gone?
Panic began to bloom as the past and present began to confuse Harry's mind. He turned around abruptly and ran back to the castle as fast as he could, determined to find Snape. Desperate to find him. To prove that he was fine, that nothing bad had happened to him, that Harry's touch hadn't cursed him yet.
With every stride the dread rose in him, until Harry was nearly frantic by the time he reached the castle. He raced down the corridors toward the dungeons, not paying any attention to where he was as he ran blindly. A few twists and turns in the labyrinthine passages and he was suddenly lost. Despite living here for two years, the dungeons still sometimes managed to ensnare him. He was lost.
He'd been lost before of course, but Harry's need to find Snape, to reassure himself that Snape was fine, was so overwhelming that he couldn't concentrate. He came to a halt, almost in tears with frustration, and yelled and kicked at a stone wall instead.
Stone door, apparently. Which opened a few moments later.
Snape looked down at him. "Yes? Is there a reason you're banging on the door rather than knocking? And what are you doing in the Slytherin storage area?"
"I was just... I got lost. I was looking for you. To see if you were all right. You weren't at lunch. And I, well, I was worried," Harry stuttered as relief flooded through him. He was trembling violently and his knees started to buckle. Snape quickly grabbed his elbow and helped ease him down into a sitting position against the wall.
"Well, you've found me. I'm fine; why wouldn't I be?"
Harry closed his eyes as he felt them begin to burn with tears, of relief or embarrassment he wasn't sure. Adrenaline washed through his body and left him feeling nauseated.
"Harry, are you all right? You're freezing cold." Snape took Harry's hands and began to chafe them between his.
"I just... I was so scared," he whispered in a broken voice, pulling his hands away from Snape to cover his face. Tears he was too exhausted to fight off began to spill down his cheeks.
Snape pulled Harry into his arms as the quiet tears turned into full sobs. "Scared of what?" he asked as he stroked Harry's hair.
"Scared of it happening again. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen. It's all my fault. I'm sorry."
"Harry, what are you talking about? What happening again? What are you sorry for? You haven't done anything."
"I- It's just- Last night- This morning I- It's all- Sex," he choked out.
Every muscle in Snape's body tensed at Harry's final word. He tried to sound calm as his worst fears were realized.
"Harry, I... This morning... I do apologize." He took a deep breath. "Whatever possessed my subconscious to have that sort of dream... Well, I'm quite sorry. It was wholly inappropriate and must have disturbed you to share such a, er, foreign dream. I hope you know I never intended such a thing. I'm sorry to have made you so uncomfortable."
Harry looked up through wet eyelashes, confused. "But... I'm not. I liked it," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I just woke up. Like that. Holding you. I meant to move away, but... I didn't."
Snape blinked at him for a few moments. Harry had been holding him? During that dream, which felt so real? He consciously made an effort to lower his eyebrows from where they had frozen in shock. He was holding me. Harry was holding me, resounded in his head.
He had avoided Harry all afternoon, afraid of an awkward scene, afraid that what had happened would keep Harry from wanting his help resolving whatever curse was responsible for Harry's nightmares. He'd never imagined that the other wizard wouldn't be repulsed or disgusted, or at the very least recoil from his touch.
But Harry hadn't.
When Snape had reached out to him with concern, took his hands, pulled Harry into his arms to comfort him when his panic gave way to tears, he hadn't pulled away. Harry had rested his head on Snape's shoulder and been relieved that he was all right.
But what does this panic attack and fear have to do with this morning's erotic dream or with Harry's nightmares? Or with sex in general?
"Harry, what is going on? I am completely lost," Snape admitted.
After a moment Harry nodded. "Not here though. Let's go back to your rooms for some privacy."
Part 5
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Author:
salixbabylonFandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry/Severus
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: 37,100 total
Disclaimer: Characters and places in this story, which appear in the Harry Potter novels, belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros. and Scholastic. I don't make, or intend to make money out of them. They just wouldn't leave me alone
Summary: Two years after graduation, Harry's having nightmares at Hogwarts. Who will wake him up?
Previous Chapters
10 AM, Day 3
Several hours later the light seeping in through the dungeon windows dappled the two sleepers. Both had shifted as the night passed, the smaller figure now wrapped around the larger one.
Images began to float through Harry's consciousness, the first to enter his sleeping mind since he drank the potion. Vague, unfocused images, more sense-feelings than visual pictures, feelings of warm skin, a hot mouth on his neck, a tongue licking gently at his lips, his body melting and warming with desire. The images began to tumble together in his mind, faster and faster - hands holding him close, skin against his own, a body pressing into his.
Still asleep, Harry shifted in the bed, closer to the body in his arms, burrowing his face between shoulder blades, tucking his knees up into firm thighs, shifting his erection into the warm backside, wrapping his arms around a lean chest. He breathed in the other's scent, the images seeming both more real and yet somehow slipping away from him. As the man in his arms shifted in his embrace, Harry began to wake up.
Slowly he realized that parts of the dream were still continuing; there actually was a warm body in his arms, pressed up against him, and his body was heavy with sleep but throbbing with arousal.
The potion worked. I didn't have bad dreams. It suddenly occurred to Harry that it was Snape he was holding. Wow, I should move. But he's still asleep. Is he having that dream? Sensual images flashed through his mind again. About another man? I should move... But I don't want to.
Harry relaxed back into a semi-dreaming state, relishing the novelty of holding someone and of having sexual feelings that weren't overwhelmed with guilt. Snape shifted in his embrace again, pushing against Harry's erection, waking him entirely.
Shit! What if he wakes up and feels it? What if he knows I saw part of his dream? What if-
Harry's worries were cut short by a low, deep moan - the single most erotic noise he had ever heard. From Snape, who was clearly still asleep.
Harry froze, listening with fascination as the other man's breathing quickened and Snape began to just barely rock his hips back against Harry's cock. Slowly Snape reached up and tugged at the hand that Harry was resting on his chest. Harry didn't know what to think at all when Snape moved that hand down to his stomach, between his thighs, and wrapped Harry's now sweating fingers around Snape's erection. Holding Harry's hand under his, Snape began to move them together, stroking his cock rapidly until he let out a choked groan and saturated their combined grasp with his climax.
Snape shuddered and sighed with deep satisfaction, then let go of Harry's hand and rolled over onto his stomach.
Still asleep.
Harry was most definitely awake.
Severus woke up with his face pressed into the pillow, an unusual feeling of lassitude and contentment spreading throughout his body. Mmm... I haven't slept so well in years, he thought as he stretched. Pleasant dreams, relaxed body, the whole thing. The combined potions seem to have been a success.
Potion... Wait - I wasn't meant to be dreaming, pleasant or otherwise. And where is Harry?
He cautiously sent one hand out to feel for the other body that should have been there, but encountered nothing; he seemed to be alone in the bed. He relaxed back into the curious feeling of... Satiation? It began to occur to him that he felt exceptionally wonderful, more so than perhaps a decent night's sleep once a decade would account for.
Pleasant dreams? About what? He tried to remember. A few vague images floated through his head. Vague but undeniably sexual. Fuck. Was Harry still sharing my dreams at that point? Where is he anyway?
Making matters worse, as Severus shifted around to roll over the rest of his body came fully awake and passed on the information that his pants seemed surprisingly moist. His full bladder eliminated one possibility while a vivid flash of his dreams suggested another. Combined with the wonderful sensation still pervading his body (although rapidly being obliterated with each passing second of panic), his brain came to a conclusion.
Oh bloody buggering fuck. No. This can't be happening. This can't have happened. I'm not a hormonal teenager! It's been years since I had sex, but... Is it even possible for a grown man to have a wet dream?
He took a deep breath to try and calm himself, as bits of the dream flashed through his mind.
It seemed so real. Like there really was someone touching me, holding me. I know it was just a dream, but... I can still feel it, a warm spot on my chest where someone's hand rested.
And where the hell is Harry? Was he here during all of this? Did he share that dream? Was he still in bed with me?
Severus wanted to call out for Harry and see where he was, but thought better of it. Best get out of bed and cleaned up first. And then what? Pretend nothing happened?
He carefully opened his eyes as he rolled over, half expecting Harry to be sitting there watching him. The panic in his blood was turning into hopes of not getting caught as he silently slid out of bed and darted into the bathroom, grabbing his wand and murmuring a spell to clean the sheets as he went.
What am I going to do? he thought, stepping into the shower. What can I do? "Excuse me Harry, did you happen to still be under the influence of the dream sharing potion while I was having a sex dream? Or were you up and gone by then? You weren't by any chance touching me at all, were you? No, I thought not. So sorry to have suggested it." Bloody hell. Nothing I can do but hope he was gone.
I'll have to see if he acts differently or embarrassed; he'd never bring it up or ask about it. But he looks embarrassed so damn often anyway, how can I tell what's causing it? He certainly looked uncomfortable last night. Not just afraid of the potion or going to sleep, but afraid of getting in bed. Almost painfully embarrassed.
Abnormally embarrassed, he noted. There's something more to that, not just awkwardness at having to be physically close to a former professor for a spell to work. Something about it being in bed. Or being me...
And the way he was looking at me in the classroom...
Perhaps he could actually have been touching me? Severus wondered, incredulous.
Of course not; don't be ridiculous. What would beautiful young Harry Potter be touching you for? hissed a snide voice in his head, the one he thought of as his 'greasy bastard' voice.
Beautiful? Are you daft? The little brat is certainly not beautiful; he looks like his father! Suddenly there were way too many voices in his head, bickering and throwing insults around like darts.
But he is beautiful. And I want to take care of him. Help him. See him happy.
'See him happy'? You sappy, disgusting pouf!
Oh, shut it! Severus mentally yelled at all of his inner voices.
He finished brushing his teeth and slammed the cabinet door shut. Taking a deep breath, he tied the belt of his dressing gown and opened the door to go and look for Harry.
Who was sitting on the freshly made bed, dressed, hair wet from a shower, a slight flush staining his cheeks and an awkward smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
Oh shit, thought Severus. He knows.
Harry had withdrawn from the bed as fast and as silently as possible, gathered up his robes, and sprinted down the hall to his rooms. He made it under the hot shower before he allowed the panicked jumble of thoughts and feelings in his head to transmute into words.
Oh dear god. Oh no.
That was so wonderful.
No! It was wrong, Harry's inner voices argued.
But good, it felt so wonderful. It's the first time I've ever touched anyone, the first sex in my life! Fantastic!
But with Snape! And he was asleep! It hardly counts.
Of course it counts! he argued.
But he was asleep; he didn't even want to be with me. Didn't even know I was there. And it wasn't me anyway, it was just a dream.
But it felt so bloody good. Intoxicatingly good - like luxurious crimson hot velvet fire in my veins. Holding him. The way his hand held mine, how his body felt pressed against me, the weight of his cock in my hand, the glorious noises he made...
But it was Snape!
No – Severus. Not my professor but my colleague, my friend, helping me. Caring for me.
No, no, no! Greasy mean nasty Potions Master Snape!
With soft, silky, inky black hair and smooth warm skin. And a firm body. Oh yes. Severus, with secrets and darkness and turmoil and strength. Who understands me, maybe. Who felt so wonderful, like birthdays and Christmases all rolled up together. So fantastic, holding him, crushed against him. Touching him, him rocking against me... I want that. I want more. Need it...
"Oh gods, yes, Severus!" Harry moaned as he climaxed, hot water raining down on his head. He hadn't even realized what his hands were doing, so lost was he in his thoughts.
Oh fuck. That was wonderful, he thought, catching his breath as the final shudders ran through his body.
Oh fuck. What have I done?
Hot water washed all evidence away. A strong feeling of guilt and horror and impending doom began to claw its way into Harry's thoughts, but he squelched it down for the moment. I haven't done anything that hurt anyone. And gods, that was the most brilliant orgasm of my life... Not that there have been many to compare it to...
Harry knew he had a great deal that he needed to think about and sort through, and that he'd be battling his guilt quite soon. Mostly though, he wanted to see Snape. Even if I can't say or do anything, I just want to see him. Severus. See if he's awake yet. I wonder what he's thinking about...
He finished up his shower, got dressed, and headed back to Snape's rooms. He couldn't choke down the joy threatening to spread over his face; the euphoric afterglow was making him light-headed. The door to Snape's rooms was still ajar from when he left and he was somewhat relieved that Snape was out of bed and apparently in the shower when he reached the bedroom.
He decided to make the bed while he waited, on the off-chance that Snape hadn't noticed the wet spot and to save him from any embarrassment. Harry couldn't even begin to decide what Snape's reaction might be if he knew what had happened.
He was surprised to find that the sheets were clean and dry, no evidence remaining. Doubt nibbled at his mind as he finished plumping up the pillows. Perhaps it was all entirely a dream? That doesn't seem possible, though. Maybe there's a charm to clean up. That would be useful to learn. Not that I've had need for one very often...
The door to the bathroom burst open with more force than seemed strictly necessary and Harry felt his face flush as he struggled not to burst into a huge grin.
Snape froze in the doorway, clearly startled.
"Good morning, er, Severus," Harry said awkwardly. "Did you sleep well? I'm sorry I left before you woke up, but I, uh, needed a shower."
The other man cleared his throat, searching his face intensely as the flush stained Harry's cheeks even more. "Yes, I noticed you were gone," he replied blandly. "I slept well, thank you. And you?"
Harry lost the battle for control of his features as a huge grin spread over his face. "I've never slept better."
Snape blinked at the enthusiastic response and cleared his throat again. He seemed awkward and Harry could only think of one reason why, but it was still disconcerting to see Snape look so self-conscious.
"Yes, well, good to hear. Um, perhaps we'll talk later about the upcoming night?" Snape said as he began to pull clothes out of the dresser and wardrobe, not so subtly dismissing him.
"OK, I'll see you at meals, then," Harry answered as he left the bedroom, a smile still tugging at the corners of his lips.
2 PM, Day 3
Harry went about his day feeling better than he could remember ever feeling. Since it was the holidays and he had few responsibilities, he took a walk around the frozen lake, thinking the exercise would do him good. Also, far away from any witnesses, he could let his face break into a grin any time he wanted.
He felt elated and giddy whenever he thought about being in bed with Severus that morning. Which was pretty much all the time, until he approached the edges of the Forbidden Forest and his thoughts began to take a gloomier shape. His delight faded as horrible memories began to tug at him in their usual relentless way.
This morning was so wonderful. Amazing. I've never felt anything like that before. But... What now?
What's going to happen the next time I see him? What does he think? Does he even know I was touching him?
What if he's disgusted? What if he's not really even gay, that it was just some weird dream? You can't control your dreams; if anyone knows that, it's me. What if he freaks out? Or worse...
What if something bad happens to him? What if... What if I've somehow done it again, like with Malfoy? Harry shuddered and quickly clamped down on that train of thought.
No, that can't happen; Voldemort is dead now. He'll be all right. Snape – Severus - will be fine.
But I didn't see him at lunch... Where was he? Was he hiding in his office? Or is he... Gone?
Panic began to bloom as the past and present began to confuse Harry's mind. He turned around abruptly and ran back to the castle as fast as he could, determined to find Snape. Desperate to find him. To prove that he was fine, that nothing bad had happened to him, that Harry's touch hadn't cursed him yet.
With every stride the dread rose in him, until Harry was nearly frantic by the time he reached the castle. He raced down the corridors toward the dungeons, not paying any attention to where he was as he ran blindly. A few twists and turns in the labyrinthine passages and he was suddenly lost. Despite living here for two years, the dungeons still sometimes managed to ensnare him. He was lost.
He'd been lost before of course, but Harry's need to find Snape, to reassure himself that Snape was fine, was so overwhelming that he couldn't concentrate. He came to a halt, almost in tears with frustration, and yelled and kicked at a stone wall instead.
Stone door, apparently. Which opened a few moments later.
Snape looked down at him. "Yes? Is there a reason you're banging on the door rather than knocking? And what are you doing in the Slytherin storage area?"
"I was just... I got lost. I was looking for you. To see if you were all right. You weren't at lunch. And I, well, I was worried," Harry stuttered as relief flooded through him. He was trembling violently and his knees started to buckle. Snape quickly grabbed his elbow and helped ease him down into a sitting position against the wall.
"Well, you've found me. I'm fine; why wouldn't I be?"
Harry closed his eyes as he felt them begin to burn with tears, of relief or embarrassment he wasn't sure. Adrenaline washed through his body and left him feeling nauseated.
"Harry, are you all right? You're freezing cold." Snape took Harry's hands and began to chafe them between his.
"I just... I was so scared," he whispered in a broken voice, pulling his hands away from Snape to cover his face. Tears he was too exhausted to fight off began to spill down his cheeks.
Snape pulled Harry into his arms as the quiet tears turned into full sobs. "Scared of what?" he asked as he stroked Harry's hair.
"Scared of it happening again. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen. It's all my fault. I'm sorry."
"Harry, what are you talking about? What happening again? What are you sorry for? You haven't done anything."
"I- It's just- Last night- This morning I- It's all- Sex," he choked out.
Every muscle in Snape's body tensed at Harry's final word. He tried to sound calm as his worst fears were realized.
"Harry, I... This morning... I do apologize." He took a deep breath. "Whatever possessed my subconscious to have that sort of dream... Well, I'm quite sorry. It was wholly inappropriate and must have disturbed you to share such a, er, foreign dream. I hope you know I never intended such a thing. I'm sorry to have made you so uncomfortable."
Harry looked up through wet eyelashes, confused. "But... I'm not. I liked it," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I just woke up. Like that. Holding you. I meant to move away, but... I didn't."
Snape blinked at him for a few moments. Harry had been holding him? During that dream, which felt so real? He consciously made an effort to lower his eyebrows from where they had frozen in shock. He was holding me. Harry was holding me, resounded in his head.
He had avoided Harry all afternoon, afraid of an awkward scene, afraid that what had happened would keep Harry from wanting his help resolving whatever curse was responsible for Harry's nightmares. He'd never imagined that the other wizard wouldn't be repulsed or disgusted, or at the very least recoil from his touch.
But Harry hadn't.
When Snape had reached out to him with concern, took his hands, pulled Harry into his arms to comfort him when his panic gave way to tears, he hadn't pulled away. Harry had rested his head on Snape's shoulder and been relieved that he was all right.
But what does this panic attack and fear have to do with this morning's erotic dream or with Harry's nightmares? Or with sex in general?
"Harry, what is going on? I am completely lost," Snape admitted.
After a moment Harry nodded. "Not here though. Let's go back to your rooms for some privacy."
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Thanks for reading!
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Thanx for updating! I know you post regularly, but thanx can never come often enough.
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Well, maybe not *straighten*... ;)
Glad you're enjoying! Thanks for commenting - it always makes me feel good.
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Hey, I don't remember clicking the "leave a comment" button. Of curse I *meant* to.. oh well
> No, no, no! Greasy mean nasty Potions Master Snape! .. With soft, silky, inky black hair and smooth warm skin. <
Indeed, thank you.
-km-
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guilt
mmmm
no, um, don't, uhhh, stop
yesss
no
don't stop
congitive dissonance
-km-
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More is coming soon and the mysteries will be solved as it does! Thanks for reading!
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Does Harry's curse have something to do with sex? He's so skittish and afraid of it to the point that it seems unnatural.
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Harry's curse is a bit complicated, as are his reactions to sex, but everything will be explained by the end, I promise. :)
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WOO HOO!! POINT ONE FOR HARRYS SEX LIFE :D!
ahhh want to read next chapter but i am really tierd right now...I'll read it tommorrow :D
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Harry's sex life is definitley looking up, isn't it? ;)