FIC: Breathe (EM/EB, R), for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
50kinkyways
Mar. 28th, 2006 04:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
salixbabylonTitle: Breathe
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
salixbabylon
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Ewan McGregor/Eric Bana
Prompt: 14. Breath Play
Word Count: 1449
Rating: R
Author's Notes: Ewan has a bit of a secret.
Breathe
Breathe, just breathe, he tells himself. But "breathe" means more than just "relax" to Ewan, and he doesn't usually share with other people that sometimes his mind goes into darker places. And this place ended up a lot darker than it seemed...
It started off a long time ago, when he was younger and sharing living space with others, not wanting them to hear his groans or hard breathing while he wanked. Of course, that's many years past now, but still, sometimes Ewan holds his breath when he's getting off. Perhaps there's someone nearby, or he's wanking in a spot that's a bit too public, such as a loo or a back alley or next to a lover while they're sleeping or, well, whatever. Some place he shouldn't, some place he might get caught.
He likes that, the slight risk, the hint of exhibitionism. But controlled.
Point is, sometimes Ewan holds his breath. Sometimes it's so no one will hear him. But sometimes... Well, sometimes it's because he likes the feeling. The light-headedness of his increasing pleasure mixed with the light-headedness of not getting enough oxygen. It's just, well, it's really kind of exciting, a bit on the edge of danger. Exhilarating.
Although of course holding one's breath is never that dangerous, since as soon as a body passes out, it starts breathing again, assuming nothing is preventing it other than stubborn force of will.
But Ewan can be a stubborn fuck. Sometimes.
And he's never been into playing truly dangerous games with ropes or belts or ties or whatever. That's not fun-dangerous; that's just stupid. And he feels sorry for the few kids each year who don't realize how dangerous it is until it's too far late.
But still...
Sometimes he thinks about it. About not being able to breathe because something or someone won't let him, not being able to cheat, not being in control. There's nothing wrong with thinking, after all...
And sometimes it's just the last little bit he needs to push himself off the edge, like when he's commanded to come by a dom, or trying to time it just right with a partner. Holding his breath for a few heartbeats can help him control it - the moment he inhales and floods his lungs with sweet sweet oxygen, the relief of it shocks his body into instant orgasm. It's a rush.
And it makes him feel powerful. In control.
*****
Ewan put his keys down quietly and closed the door behind him. Eric sat on the couch, all the lights out save one small lamp across the room. Eric's face in shadow.
Shit, he was in more trouble than he'd thought.
About mid-day, some time after Ewan's lunch break but before Eric had had a chance to get to his own food and stop being such a grouchy Hulk, Ewan had found a nice, dark, mostly private-ish alcove for a bit of a wank. He didn't always jerk off on set, but sometimes he got a bit hot and bothered by the action scenes or the sex scenes and, well. The alcove was one of those spots where people walked by often enough that the sound of their footsteps got his pulse going, but not so often that he'd ever been close to getting caught.
Well, except that one time, but he'd gotten everything stuffed back in his trousers before the caterer's assistant saw anything she hadn't asked to see.
Anyway.
Today, though, his luck ran out. Sort of.
After all, it was only Eric who had caught him. And truth be told, Ewan had known it was Eric approaching or he'd have been a lot more careful. But he hadn't expected Eric to actually see him and he was more than a touch embarrassed to have been caught out, wanking in public, on the set even, by his lover.
And apparently now he was in trouble.
*****
Ewan's relief that Eric wasn't in dom-mode but in teasing-the-living-shit-out-of-you-mode was brief, but he put up with it as long as it lasted. And it lasted a good long while.
Until Eric stopped talking and was quiet for a few moments. Too long. Thinking. Remembering.
Observing.
"You were totally quiet, weren't you?" Eric asked thoughtfully.
Ewan took a nice, steady inhalation and nodded. His face grew hot, which was rare, because he almost never blushed.
Eric's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized Ewan's face. "Were you holding your breath?"
Caught. After all these years.
"Yeah, I was," he answered, as carelessly as possible.
"Do you do that a lot?" Eric's tone was mostly just curious, but there was some other element in it too.
Ewan refused to look up from the spot across the room that his eyes were fixed on, as he tried to play it off as not a big deal. He shrugged. "Just sometimes."
Eric wasn't buying it. Or he was intrigued, for some reason. "Do you like it?"
Impatience made Ewan's reply sound sharper than he intended: "I guess, yeah. Wouldn't do it if I didn't."
"You don't want to talk about this, do you?"
Impatience because of embarrassment. Act like you're not embarrassed and it won't be a big deal. Ewan took another deep breath and shrugged again. "We can talk about it if you want."
"I think we should talk about it." Eric said in a voice that was suddenly way too... Serious? Dark? Something - Ewan couldn't quite pin it down, but it made him shiver.
"Yeah? Why? Is it something you want to do?" Ewan's mouth said, still in bluffing mode, before his brain could catch up. He didn't have to meet Eric's eye to know he was getting the raise-eyebrow-skeptical look at his defensive tone.
Another breath, trying for a calming effect.
Honesty, then. "I don't know. I've never really..." Ewan's nonchalance was bleeding into a helpless feeling. He wasn't just embarrassed; he was ashamed.
He started to sweat.
And he'd never realized that shame and submission, submissive urges at least, went together so nicely. He felt... insecure. Out of control. He'd been caught, both wanking in public and with a dirty secret – was he going to be punished?
Did he want that?
Eric's next words helped him re-center, as they were in Eric's impatient, no-nonsense, don't-fuck-with-me-I'm-the-dom tone of voice: "Is it something you do for the control aspect of it? Have you ever had someone else choke you?"
Instantly Ewan's cock jerked to full attention. Just from thinking about it.
He cleared his throat and his hands found their way behind his back to grip each wrist, comfortingly. Eyes still on the ground, his posture straightened. "No. No one else."
But oh yeah. He wanted it. Some kind of punishment, for wanting this, something dark, something dangerous.
Eric was excellent at picking up on his body language, as he continued the inquisition. "Do you use anything? You know, belts, ties, anything that would actually choke you?" he probed, the toppish quality of his voice making it clear that he would know if Ewan was lying.
"Oh no," Ewan answered quickly, shaking his head. "Never wanted to accidentally off myself wanking. Wouldn't want anyone to find that."
His chuckle was somewhat nervous, but Ewan's cock was still hard. Just imaging Eric's hands, huge and strong, on his throat... Eric's dark eyes growing darker with dangerous control, Ewan's vision turning grey, body yearning for air, for orgasm, for anything. Desperate. Needy. His life in Eric's hands, pushing the edge, almost passing out. Spots of light exploding in his head like fireworks when he finally came...
Oh yeah...
"Glad to hear it," Eric said, "Because some games are just too dangerous to play, for anyone. Understand?"
Ewan nodded. Trying not to feel disappointed by the truth. Trying to feel comforted that Eric wouldn't risk hurting him like that.
Trying.
Eric continued: "Good. But I think... I think we can play with the idea a bit, yeah?"
Ewan nodded again, this time with a small, hopeful smile tugging at his mouth.
Eric's laughter was a deep sound, rich and dark, full of danger that rarely came out into the light. Dominant again. In control. "Now, about that scene earlier today... I think you need a session with the strap... And perhaps a collar for you, for once. What do you think?"
He knelt, aching already, in his balls, in his cock, in the pulse pounding in his throat. Anticipating, shivering between the darkness of shame and sparkles of delight...
*****
Later, in the grey hours of morning, Ewan knelt beside the bed, careful not to make a move or a sound that would wake Eric. He held his breath and imagined...
~end~
Author:
salixbabylonFandom: RPS
Characters: Ewan McGregor/Eric Bana
Prompt: 14. Breath Play
Word Count: 1449
Rating: R
Author's Notes: Ewan has a bit of a secret.
Breathe, just breathe, he tells himself. But "breathe" means more than just "relax" to Ewan, and he doesn't usually share with other people that sometimes his mind goes into darker places. And this place ended up a lot darker than it seemed...
It started off a long time ago, when he was younger and sharing living space with others, not wanting them to hear his groans or hard breathing while he wanked. Of course, that's many years past now, but still, sometimes Ewan holds his breath when he's getting off. Perhaps there's someone nearby, or he's wanking in a spot that's a bit too public, such as a loo or a back alley or next to a lover while they're sleeping or, well, whatever. Some place he shouldn't, some place he might get caught.
He likes that, the slight risk, the hint of exhibitionism. But controlled.
Point is, sometimes Ewan holds his breath. Sometimes it's so no one will hear him. But sometimes... Well, sometimes it's because he likes the feeling. The light-headedness of his increasing pleasure mixed with the light-headedness of not getting enough oxygen. It's just, well, it's really kind of exciting, a bit on the edge of danger. Exhilarating.
Although of course holding one's breath is never that dangerous, since as soon as a body passes out, it starts breathing again, assuming nothing is preventing it other than stubborn force of will.
But Ewan can be a stubborn fuck. Sometimes.
And he's never been into playing truly dangerous games with ropes or belts or ties or whatever. That's not fun-dangerous; that's just stupid. And he feels sorry for the few kids each year who don't realize how dangerous it is until it's too far late.
But still...
Sometimes he thinks about it. About not being able to breathe because something or someone won't let him, not being able to cheat, not being in control. There's nothing wrong with thinking, after all...
And sometimes it's just the last little bit he needs to push himself off the edge, like when he's commanded to come by a dom, or trying to time it just right with a partner. Holding his breath for a few heartbeats can help him control it - the moment he inhales and floods his lungs with sweet sweet oxygen, the relief of it shocks his body into instant orgasm. It's a rush.
And it makes him feel powerful. In control.
Ewan put his keys down quietly and closed the door behind him. Eric sat on the couch, all the lights out save one small lamp across the room. Eric's face in shadow.
Shit, he was in more trouble than he'd thought.
About mid-day, some time after Ewan's lunch break but before Eric had had a chance to get to his own food and stop being such a grouchy Hulk, Ewan had found a nice, dark, mostly private-ish alcove for a bit of a wank. He didn't always jerk off on set, but sometimes he got a bit hot and bothered by the action scenes or the sex scenes and, well. The alcove was one of those spots where people walked by often enough that the sound of their footsteps got his pulse going, but not so often that he'd ever been close to getting caught.
Well, except that one time, but he'd gotten everything stuffed back in his trousers before the caterer's assistant saw anything she hadn't asked to see.
Anyway.
Today, though, his luck ran out. Sort of.
After all, it was only Eric who had caught him. And truth be told, Ewan had known it was Eric approaching or he'd have been a lot more careful. But he hadn't expected Eric to actually see him and he was more than a touch embarrassed to have been caught out, wanking in public, on the set even, by his lover.
And apparently now he was in trouble.
Ewan's relief that Eric wasn't in dom-mode but in teasing-the-living-shit-out-of-you-mode was brief, but he put up with it as long as it lasted. And it lasted a good long while.
Until Eric stopped talking and was quiet for a few moments. Too long. Thinking. Remembering.
Observing.
"You were totally quiet, weren't you?" Eric asked thoughtfully.
Ewan took a nice, steady inhalation and nodded. His face grew hot, which was rare, because he almost never blushed.
Eric's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized Ewan's face. "Were you holding your breath?"
Caught. After all these years.
"Yeah, I was," he answered, as carelessly as possible.
"Do you do that a lot?" Eric's tone was mostly just curious, but there was some other element in it too.
Ewan refused to look up from the spot across the room that his eyes were fixed on, as he tried to play it off as not a big deal. He shrugged. "Just sometimes."
Eric wasn't buying it. Or he was intrigued, for some reason. "Do you like it?"
Impatience made Ewan's reply sound sharper than he intended: "I guess, yeah. Wouldn't do it if I didn't."
"You don't want to talk about this, do you?"
Impatience because of embarrassment. Act like you're not embarrassed and it won't be a big deal. Ewan took another deep breath and shrugged again. "We can talk about it if you want."
"I think we should talk about it." Eric said in a voice that was suddenly way too... Serious? Dark? Something - Ewan couldn't quite pin it down, but it made him shiver.
"Yeah? Why? Is it something you want to do?" Ewan's mouth said, still in bluffing mode, before his brain could catch up. He didn't have to meet Eric's eye to know he was getting the raise-eyebrow-skeptical look at his defensive tone.
Another breath, trying for a calming effect.
Honesty, then. "I don't know. I've never really..." Ewan's nonchalance was bleeding into a helpless feeling. He wasn't just embarrassed; he was ashamed.
He started to sweat.
And he'd never realized that shame and submission, submissive urges at least, went together so nicely. He felt... insecure. Out of control. He'd been caught, both wanking in public and with a dirty secret – was he going to be punished?
Did he want that?
Eric's next words helped him re-center, as they were in Eric's impatient, no-nonsense, don't-fuck-with-me-I'm-the-dom tone of voice: "Is it something you do for the control aspect of it? Have you ever had someone else choke you?"
Instantly Ewan's cock jerked to full attention. Just from thinking about it.
He cleared his throat and his hands found their way behind his back to grip each wrist, comfortingly. Eyes still on the ground, his posture straightened. "No. No one else."
But oh yeah. He wanted it. Some kind of punishment, for wanting this, something dark, something dangerous.
Eric was excellent at picking up on his body language, as he continued the inquisition. "Do you use anything? You know, belts, ties, anything that would actually choke you?" he probed, the toppish quality of his voice making it clear that he would know if Ewan was lying.
"Oh no," Ewan answered quickly, shaking his head. "Never wanted to accidentally off myself wanking. Wouldn't want anyone to find that."
His chuckle was somewhat nervous, but Ewan's cock was still hard. Just imaging Eric's hands, huge and strong, on his throat... Eric's dark eyes growing darker with dangerous control, Ewan's vision turning grey, body yearning for air, for orgasm, for anything. Desperate. Needy. His life in Eric's hands, pushing the edge, almost passing out. Spots of light exploding in his head like fireworks when he finally came...
Oh yeah...
"Glad to hear it," Eric said, "Because some games are just too dangerous to play, for anyone. Understand?"
Ewan nodded. Trying not to feel disappointed by the truth. Trying to feel comforted that Eric wouldn't risk hurting him like that.
Trying.
Eric continued: "Good. But I think... I think we can play with the idea a bit, yeah?"
Ewan nodded again, this time with a small, hopeful smile tugging at his mouth.
Eric's laughter was a deep sound, rich and dark, full of danger that rarely came out into the light. Dominant again. In control. "Now, about that scene earlier today... I think you need a session with the strap... And perhaps a collar for you, for once. What do you think?"
He knelt, aching already, in his balls, in his cock, in the pulse pounding in his throat. Anticipating, shivering between the darkness of shame and sparkles of delight...
Later, in the grey hours of morning, Ewan knelt beside the bed, careful not to make a move or a sound that would wake Eric. He held his breath and imagined...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 09:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 06:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 08:17 pm (UTC)Oh, errr. Yeah. Hi!
I'm clautrophobic, so breath play freaks me out, but this explains it so well. So hotly. Is hotly a word?
And Eric putting his foot down does me in. I want him to decide my limits. Need him to decide my limits. *is such a perv for the very large Aussie man with the gorgeous big hands and the massive chest and the beautiful smile and the sexay everything else*
no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 08:33 pm (UTC)Good thing I don't have a heart condition, just imaging that. GUH.
hotly = it made sense, so it's a word
I'm so glad top!Eric is coming to out play. He hasn't been around much, since the outdoor jogging trip, I think... And yes, Eric is... huge. That "Vanity Fair" photoshoot keeps making me weak in the knees.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 08:51 pm (UTC)I love toppy Eric. 'course, I love subby Eric too, so with these fics of yours I win whichever way it goes. *eg*
I like the way you've described both the allure of breath play (one of my squicks) for Ewan, and his good sense in not wanting to use belts, etc. Somehow I always find the addition of that sort of common sense adds to the attractiveness of a scene. Maybe just 'cause intelligence is sexier than foolishness?
no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 11:41 pm (UTC)I like your point that adding a bit of common sense to the kinks helps - I think that's where
Intelligence is definitely sexy - and neither Ewan nor Eric is stupid. ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 11:23 pm (UTC)Jen ;->
no subject
Date: 2006-03-29 11:43 pm (UTC)And I'm glad it didn't come across as too "educational" in tone. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-30 03:07 am (UTC)I really, really liked this.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-03-30 05:06 pm (UTC)I'm glad you liked it. I enjoyed getting into Ewan's head on this topic and seeing how he might approach it, as a reasonable person, with kinks.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-30 06:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-30 05:09 pm (UTC)Glad you liked!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-03 08:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-03 09:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-03 11:46 pm (UTC)