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salixbabylonTitle: Virulentus Somnium
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
salixbabylon
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry/Severus
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: 37,100 total
Disclaimer: Characters and places in this story, which appear in the Harry Potter novels, belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros. and Scholastic. I don't make, or intend to make money out of them. They just wouldn't leave me alone
Summary: Two years after graduation, Harry's having nightmares at Hogwarts. Who will wake him up?
Author's Notes: This is a much-edited and hopefully improved version of my original fic, written in 2002 in the dark ages before OotP, and is now obviously quite AU. Credits go to Nathaniel Hawthorne for "Rappachini's Daughter." The story was definitely influenced by Accio Snape's Something to Live For (password needed) and Cybele's Le Lien des Beaux Reves.
Previous Chapters
Part 3
9 PM, Day 2
As Harry got prepared for bed, Severus looked around his rooms, surprised at how sterile they were. He had expected more clutter - photos of friends, maybe Quidditch memorabilia, personal things - but the rooms were as bare as they had probably been when Harry moved in almost two years ago.
Odd, Severus thought. Doesn't he have any mementos of his school days? I know he doesn't see his friends often...
Then again, he recalled how Harry had grown apart from his schoolmates, even Ron and Hermione eventually, and had spent most of his last years at school at a distance from the others.
"I'm ready," Harry called from the bedroom, interrupting Severus' train of thought.
He entered the bedroom, briefly raising an eyebrow as Harry slipped between the blankets wearing flannel boxers. Is he blushing? He's hardly indecent and I'm not the first to see him undressed.
Severus levitated a chair from the living room into the bedroom, and settled into it, opening a book.
As Harry's breathing evened out and he stopped fidgeting, Severus' thoughts kept turning from his book to Harry's blush.
He lived in a boarding school since he was eleven, for heaven's sake. It's not like he ever got any privacy.
Suddenly he recalled the bitterness in Harry's voice referring to the other boys' use of Silencing charms and found himself in the novel position of speculating about his former student's sexual life. Is he that much of a prude? Or just embarrassed by the thought of his friends masturbating? Or is it sex in general?
Hmm... I never saw Harry with any girls, or heard any rumors about him dating. Nor about him with any boys either, he thought after a moment, despite the speculation that there may have been more to the tension between Harry and Draco Malfoy than simply hatred. Maybe he's just a late bloomer? Or one of the few to be successfully discreet in such a small school? Or...?
Severus' thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a soft moan from Harry. He got up and went to the bed. Harry's face was flushed and he appeared to be breathing fast. Severus hesitated to wake him as he didn't really seem to be having a bad dream, so he turned to go back his chair.
Behind him, Harry let out another moan, this one louder and quite clearly of a sensual nature. Severus felt his face grow hot with amused embarrassment, but it was nothing to the feeling that flared through his body when he turned back to look at the young man and couldn't avoid noticing the tent growing in the blankets.
He quickly went back to his chair and sat down, face burning, pulse throbbing with... what? Embarrassment? Arousal? He shivered as Harry moaned again and shifted restlessly, now breathing audibly, almost panting.
Get a grip, man, he ordered himself. So the boy's having a sex dream. Hardly an unusual experience for a nineteen year old.
I wonder who it's about.
No, I do not! he yelled at himself. Stop that. Take a deep breath and calm down. I should not be having these thoughts about him. He's...
Not a student anymore piped up that annoying inner voice of reason.
But he was my student and he is still quite young. And I am a dirty old lech, sitting here, trying to ignore my own erection, trying not to think about what his body looks like under those blankets, who he's dreaming about, what he's dreaming of doing to them. These are private dreams.
Harry's mouth opened, breath coming in sharp gasps now. The sounds were raw and erotic and Severus' body was responding in a way that would soon have him in the same state.
I should just leave him to it. At least he's not having a nightmare.
He got up and left the bedroom, with the idea of pacing back and forth across the sitting room until his lower body stopped throbbing and Harry's dream was finished. As he crossed the doorway, Harry released a scream of sheer terror.
In an instant, Severus rushed back to the bed, embracing Harry's shaking body in his arms and soothing him as he was overcome with bone-wrenching sobs.
*****
Holding the trembling young man in his arms, Severus found himself surprised at how easy and natural it felt. He hadn't hesitated for a moment before rushing to Harry and taking him in his arms. One hand was gently stroking Harry's back, and he was shocked to hear himself murmuring comforting nothings like "It was just a dream" and "It's all right; I'm here." When the bloody hell had he developed a nurturing side? He pulled away, suddenly awkward.
Harry reached for a drink of water from the night table. "Sorry," he whispered, having got himself more under control.
Severus waited as Harry took another drink. "There's no need for an apology. Might you be able to tell me what the dream was about, though?" He was suddenly quite suspicious that what had seemed to be a sexual dream had turned so rapidly into a nightmare. Even allowing for the surreal way time worked in dreams, it was still a bit uncanny.
Harry tried to speak but seemed unable to get any words out. After a few attempts he simply shook his head and lay back onto the pillow.
Poor boy; he's exhausted said a voice in Severus' head that sounded suspiciously like Poppy's.
"Harry," he said hesitantly, "I do have one idea that might work. One of the books about dream curses suggests that the use of a potion which causes shared dreaming may be of help to the cursed dreamer. Two people take variations of the same potion and must share the same pillow as they sleep. Both of them will then dream the same thing." Harry looked interested, so he continued. "I had thought it might be useful if you continue to be unable to talk about your dreams; perhaps someone could share them with you instead."
Harry's eyebrows shot so far up his forehead that they disappeared under his messy hair.
"However, we can discuss that possibility tomorrow. Tonight I think it essential for you to get some sleep. Perhaps if you shared someone else's dreams, you could find some much needed rest."
Harry looked skeptical. Severus himself was not entirely convinced that it would work; whatever curse Voldemort or one of his followers had hexed Harry with had outlived all of them, which gave a quite alarming indication of its strength.
"But who would take the other potion?" asked Harry, hesitantly meeting his eyes.
Severus held his gaze for several minutes before he answered. "I would. If you wished."
His inner voice was stunned into silence, for once.
"You would be willing to do that?"
"Yes. I believe it has a good chance of success," Severus answered. "I believe I can also concoct a mild sedative, which should prevent me from having any unpleasant dreams. Just as a precaution."
And since I have nothing but unpleasant dreams, it should result in a night of essentially dreamless sleep for us both. And not compromise my privacy either.
Harry waited a moment, then replied, "If you're sure, then... yes. Let's try it." So much gratitude came through in his voice that Severus was touched despite himself.
He smiled at Harry, an honest genuine smile. "Get dressed then. We'll go to the Potions classroom and get started. The potions will probably take a few hours and I'll need your help."
Harry returned his smile. "Don't worry, I promise I'll do a better job than when I was your student. Believe it or not, I've learned a few things since then."
*****
11 PM, Day 2
It's amazing how he gets all caught up in this, Harry mused to himself as he watched Snape work. Like everything else fades to the background. He really loves this stuff. No wonder he gets so irritated with his students.
Harry sat on a stool across the large work table in front of the classroom. He and Snape had been there for at least an hour, Harry fetching items upon demand, chopping, and watching. Mostly watching, as Snape became more and more absorbed in his work. He had made the base potion first and set it aside to cool while he worked on the two individual parts that would be added to his dose and Harry's respectively.
Such sure hands, Harry noted as he watched Snape mince a valerian root with a sharp knife. So strong. Effortless movements. Long, delicate fingers... Very nice hands... Harry's gaze wandered up Snape's arms. Almost priestly, in those austere black robes. He'd laugh to hear that. Well, snort anyway. Not sure I've really seen him laugh. Although he did smile, in my room. At me. A real smile, not a smirk. It was... lovely. Made him look good. Younger. Less bitter. Smoothed out the furrows in his forehead, made his deep, dark eyes brighter...
Harry was amused and a bit surprised to catch himself staring at Snape, superimposing his memory of that smile back onto the man concentrating in front of him.
I liked how he looked when he smiled. I like the way he looks now, even not smiling. Studious. Intense. Mysterious. Not quite touchable, aloof. But not ugly or mean, like I thought when I was a kid. Just, well, handsomely mysterious.
Handsome? God, next I'll be thinking he's sexy! Harry felt his cheeks start to flush.
Well, perhaps..., he thought, chewing his bottom lip. There's just something about him...
"If you're quite done staring at me, Mr. Potter, I wonder if you might be persuaded to go fetch some skullcap and mugwort from the storeroom?" Snape interrupted, with poorly concealed amusement.
Harry jumped, practically falling off the stool in his embarrassment as he ran to the store room for the ingredients.
Shit! Bad enough to be thinking such things, about Snape of all people, but to be caught at it... He'll tease and torment me forever. Why do these things always happen to me? Why can't I just have a normal life?
All right, calm down. He saw you staring, he didn't read your mind thinking about how he looks.
No, but he's been doing an amazing job of reading my thoughts lately; I wouldn't put it past him to have some idea about this as well. I must be so transparent...
Harry returned to the table with the herbs and Snape instructed him to begin grinding them together with a mortar and pestle. When he was finished, Snape added a pinch of the powdered herbs to each of the two crystal goblets he had already prepared with the rest of the potion. The herbs fizzled and disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke and the liquid turned a deep indigo.
"For the final ingredients we need something from each of us. As the dream-sharer, your glass needs one eyelash from each of your upper lids, untouched by you. As the dreamer, my glass needs the same plus two of my hairs from the nape of the neck."
Harry blinked at him.
"Come here, then, and take off your spectacles."
Harry walked over to Snape's side of the table and removed his glasses.
Snape moved closer and took Harry's face in his hands.
Smooth, warm hands, Harry thought as his pulse quickened. He looked up into dark eyes and felt like he was seeing them for the first time, deep and hinting at unchartable depths and hidden secrets. He closed his eyes as Snape reached towards them and felt hands, surprisingly gentle, touching his eyelid with warm fingers. A twinge of pain followed as Snape pulled out one single lash with a pair of tweezers.
Harry tried not to flinch but couldn't stop the involuntary reaction as his eye filled with water. Snape must have noticed, because his fingertip gently traced the eyelid and soothed away both the sting and the moisture. The other eye received the same treatment.
Harry realized he was holding his breath and could feel Snape's body, not touching him, but just barely an inch away. Snape was still touching his face and hadn't drawn back. Feels nice... I wonder why he hasn't moved?
He opened his eyes to find Snape staring down at him with an unreadable expression on his face.
Clearing his throat, Snape stepped back. "All right then." He carefully dropped the lashes into Harry's cup, where they dissolved soundlessly and the liquid turned even darker. "Your turn," he said, sitting down so Harry could reach him more easily.
Harry took a slow breath to try and steady himself, wiping sweating hands on his robes as he drew closer. Snape's eyes were already closed and Harry wondered if the dim lighting in the room was responsible for the color starting to stain his cheeks.
He reached out a shaking hand and laid it gently on Snape's cheekbone, turning his face. He took up the tweezers and held down the eyelid with one finger as Snape had done as he pulled out a lash. Snape didn't flinch at all but his eye watered, too. Again mimicking what Snape had done to him, Harry lightly traced his eyelashes, soothing and wiping away the tear.
When he had finished the other eye, Harry turned from the plate where he had carefully laid the lashes to see Snape looking at him again. He couldn't read Snape's expression at all and his insides began to feel like they were shaking as much as his hands were.
He cleared his throat, then murmured, "Turn around." He was surprised at how compliantly his order was followed. Harry touched the back of Snape's head, bending it forward as his fingers stroked through the silky black strands. Not greasy at all - smooth, silky, dark, and thick. Like midnight, like ink, no wonder it looks wet...
Harry's fingers combed through the hair, down to the nape of Snape's neck, caught up in the sensation. They both shivered as his fingertips met flesh, and Harry forced himself to focus. He separated two strands of hair, followed them to the root, and quickly pulled.
Neither of them said a word as Snape took the hair and lashes and added them to his goblet. The lashes fizzed but the hairs seemed to thicken and melt into the potion, turning it a brilliant purple. They both stared at the goblets for a long moment.
"The sedative is in my room," said Snape. "My bed is, er, larger than yours. I think we should sleep in there."
Harry nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
"I don't know how quickly this potion takes effect; it would be safest to be ready for bed and drink it just before lying down," Snape added.
Harry nodded his agreement again.
“So... we should go get changed,” Snape finished somewhat awkwardly. He took both goblets and swept out of the classroom towards his chambers, Harry trailing behind.
*****
1 AM, Day 3
The clock in Snape's living room was striking one in the morning as Harry knocked at the door, awkward in his boxers, t-shirt, and bathrobe. Snape also seemed a bit uncomfortable in his pajamas and dressing gown. The tension grew as they walked wordlessly into Snape's bedroom, each to opposite sides of the large four-poster bed with gauzy green silk hangings. Harry tried not to feel self-conscious as he took off his robe; there was nothing revealing about what he was wearing. Still, he was having a difficult time trying not to think about being in bed with Snape, of all people, and sleeping closely enough to share a pillow with him.
"It is bigger than mine."
It was a moment before Harry realized he'd said those words out loud, just as Snape was taking off his dressing gown, and the skin all over Harry's body almost burst into flame with the fury of his embarrassment. Snape's eyes rounded until he looked almost like a house elf, a slight flush coloring his cheeks as well.
Harry stuttered, "I mean the bed, the pillows!"
Snape blinked a few times, clearing his throat. "Ah. Yes. It, they, are." Both men studiously kept their eyes focused on the bed and refused to even glance at the other.
"Well, er..." Snape took a deep breath. "If you're ready then, we should just get started."
He actually blushed a bit at his unintentional double entendre, but Harry missed it, too focused on his own embarrassment. Harry nodded and took his goblet, darting his eyes at Snape to see that he had his, and they both drank their potions at the same time.
Clumsily, hesitantly, they got into bed, trying hard not to look at each other. Harry could feel himself shaking inside, unsure if it was from the potion or nerves. He lay down with as much of his body on his side of the bed as possible, angled with his head on just the corner of the pillow.
After a few moments, Snape whispered in a dry voice, "It's important that your head stay on the pillow all night, Mr. Potter. I suggest you move closer; I don't bite."
Harry flinched at Snape's tone of voice, flooded with old feelings of humiliation as a student in the Potions classroom. He scooted fractionally closer.
Of course he can tell how uncomfortable you are, you bloody idiot! He can probably hear how fast your heart is beating! He just wants the spell to work, not to be close to you. He doesn't like you; he'd surely make fun of you if he knew this was the first time you'd ever been in bed with someone else, even just to sleep. I bet he can tell. He knows you were looking at him in the classroom. He knows what you were thinking. I bet he knows you're gay. I bet he can tell you're a virgin. He's probably laughing to himself right now, at how awkward you are, how pathetic you are, "Poor Potter, such a disappointment, such a loser that no one ever even kissed him. So worthless--"
"Harry?"
Snape's questioning voice interrupted the hateful chorus screaming in Harry's head, expertly ripping him into a million tiny wretched pieces.
"Are you all right?" Snape rolled over onto his side, facing Harry with a puzzled expression. "I know this is... Well, highly unpleasant for you, but you're as stiff as board. Relax. I promise, you won't have nightmares. I don't see any possible way this combination of potions could fail."
Harry took a deep breath. He unclenched his hands and unscrewed his eyes, looking up into Snape's concerned face. He felt something inside him release bit and the internal chorus faded away to a whisper. "I know. I trust you. I'm sorry," he mumbled.
Snape lay back down. "Don't be sorry, just go to sleep," he ordered. "And Harry?" He cautiously reached out for Harry's clammy hand and gave it a light squeeze. "Sleep well."
Harry's hand tingled as the warmth from Snape's touch traveled up his arm and spread through his whole body. He had a lot of thoughts swirling through his head - how he had felt with Snape in the Potions classroom tonight, how scared he was that the other man would know his darkest secrets, the confusing way he seemed so concerned and caring one moment and his old sarcastic self the next, saying that Harry must find it unpleasant to be in bed with him, and finally that gentle touch of his hand...
But sleep began to pull at him, taking him away from a world of confusion and fear and loneliness. After a brief struggle, Harry submitted and was deeply asleep in minutes.
Part 4
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Author:
salixbabylonFandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Harry/Severus
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: 37,100 total
Disclaimer: Characters and places in this story, which appear in the Harry Potter novels, belong to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros. and Scholastic. I don't make, or intend to make money out of them. They just wouldn't leave me alone
Summary: Two years after graduation, Harry's having nightmares at Hogwarts. Who will wake him up?
Author's Notes: This is a much-edited and hopefully improved version of my original fic, written in 2002 in the dark ages before OotP, and is now obviously quite AU. Credits go to Nathaniel Hawthorne for "Rappachini's Daughter." The story was definitely influenced by Accio Snape's Something to Live For (password needed) and Cybele's Le Lien des Beaux Reves.
Previous Chapters
9 PM, Day 2
As Harry got prepared for bed, Severus looked around his rooms, surprised at how sterile they were. He had expected more clutter - photos of friends, maybe Quidditch memorabilia, personal things - but the rooms were as bare as they had probably been when Harry moved in almost two years ago.
Odd, Severus thought. Doesn't he have any mementos of his school days? I know he doesn't see his friends often...
Then again, he recalled how Harry had grown apart from his schoolmates, even Ron and Hermione eventually, and had spent most of his last years at school at a distance from the others.
"I'm ready," Harry called from the bedroom, interrupting Severus' train of thought.
He entered the bedroom, briefly raising an eyebrow as Harry slipped between the blankets wearing flannel boxers. Is he blushing? He's hardly indecent and I'm not the first to see him undressed.
Severus levitated a chair from the living room into the bedroom, and settled into it, opening a book.
As Harry's breathing evened out and he stopped fidgeting, Severus' thoughts kept turning from his book to Harry's blush.
He lived in a boarding school since he was eleven, for heaven's sake. It's not like he ever got any privacy.
Suddenly he recalled the bitterness in Harry's voice referring to the other boys' use of Silencing charms and found himself in the novel position of speculating about his former student's sexual life. Is he that much of a prude? Or just embarrassed by the thought of his friends masturbating? Or is it sex in general?
Hmm... I never saw Harry with any girls, or heard any rumors about him dating. Nor about him with any boys either, he thought after a moment, despite the speculation that there may have been more to the tension between Harry and Draco Malfoy than simply hatred. Maybe he's just a late bloomer? Or one of the few to be successfully discreet in such a small school? Or...?
Severus' thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a soft moan from Harry. He got up and went to the bed. Harry's face was flushed and he appeared to be breathing fast. Severus hesitated to wake him as he didn't really seem to be having a bad dream, so he turned to go back his chair.
Behind him, Harry let out another moan, this one louder and quite clearly of a sensual nature. Severus felt his face grow hot with amused embarrassment, but it was nothing to the feeling that flared through his body when he turned back to look at the young man and couldn't avoid noticing the tent growing in the blankets.
He quickly went back to his chair and sat down, face burning, pulse throbbing with... what? Embarrassment? Arousal? He shivered as Harry moaned again and shifted restlessly, now breathing audibly, almost panting.
Get a grip, man, he ordered himself. So the boy's having a sex dream. Hardly an unusual experience for a nineteen year old.
I wonder who it's about.
No, I do not! he yelled at himself. Stop that. Take a deep breath and calm down. I should not be having these thoughts about him. He's...
Not a student anymore piped up that annoying inner voice of reason.
But he was my student and he is still quite young. And I am a dirty old lech, sitting here, trying to ignore my own erection, trying not to think about what his body looks like under those blankets, who he's dreaming about, what he's dreaming of doing to them. These are private dreams.
Harry's mouth opened, breath coming in sharp gasps now. The sounds were raw and erotic and Severus' body was responding in a way that would soon have him in the same state.
I should just leave him to it. At least he's not having a nightmare.
He got up and left the bedroom, with the idea of pacing back and forth across the sitting room until his lower body stopped throbbing and Harry's dream was finished. As he crossed the doorway, Harry released a scream of sheer terror.
In an instant, Severus rushed back to the bed, embracing Harry's shaking body in his arms and soothing him as he was overcome with bone-wrenching sobs.
Holding the trembling young man in his arms, Severus found himself surprised at how easy and natural it felt. He hadn't hesitated for a moment before rushing to Harry and taking him in his arms. One hand was gently stroking Harry's back, and he was shocked to hear himself murmuring comforting nothings like "It was just a dream" and "It's all right; I'm here." When the bloody hell had he developed a nurturing side? He pulled away, suddenly awkward.
Harry reached for a drink of water from the night table. "Sorry," he whispered, having got himself more under control.
Severus waited as Harry took another drink. "There's no need for an apology. Might you be able to tell me what the dream was about, though?" He was suddenly quite suspicious that what had seemed to be a sexual dream had turned so rapidly into a nightmare. Even allowing for the surreal way time worked in dreams, it was still a bit uncanny.
Harry tried to speak but seemed unable to get any words out. After a few attempts he simply shook his head and lay back onto the pillow.
Poor boy; he's exhausted said a voice in Severus' head that sounded suspiciously like Poppy's.
"Harry," he said hesitantly, "I do have one idea that might work. One of the books about dream curses suggests that the use of a potion which causes shared dreaming may be of help to the cursed dreamer. Two people take variations of the same potion and must share the same pillow as they sleep. Both of them will then dream the same thing." Harry looked interested, so he continued. "I had thought it might be useful if you continue to be unable to talk about your dreams; perhaps someone could share them with you instead."
Harry's eyebrows shot so far up his forehead that they disappeared under his messy hair.
"However, we can discuss that possibility tomorrow. Tonight I think it essential for you to get some sleep. Perhaps if you shared someone else's dreams, you could find some much needed rest."
Harry looked skeptical. Severus himself was not entirely convinced that it would work; whatever curse Voldemort or one of his followers had hexed Harry with had outlived all of them, which gave a quite alarming indication of its strength.
"But who would take the other potion?" asked Harry, hesitantly meeting his eyes.
Severus held his gaze for several minutes before he answered. "I would. If you wished."
His inner voice was stunned into silence, for once.
"You would be willing to do that?"
"Yes. I believe it has a good chance of success," Severus answered. "I believe I can also concoct a mild sedative, which should prevent me from having any unpleasant dreams. Just as a precaution."
And since I have nothing but unpleasant dreams, it should result in a night of essentially dreamless sleep for us both. And not compromise my privacy either.
Harry waited a moment, then replied, "If you're sure, then... yes. Let's try it." So much gratitude came through in his voice that Severus was touched despite himself.
He smiled at Harry, an honest genuine smile. "Get dressed then. We'll go to the Potions classroom and get started. The potions will probably take a few hours and I'll need your help."
Harry returned his smile. "Don't worry, I promise I'll do a better job than when I was your student. Believe it or not, I've learned a few things since then."
11 PM, Day 2
It's amazing how he gets all caught up in this, Harry mused to himself as he watched Snape work. Like everything else fades to the background. He really loves this stuff. No wonder he gets so irritated with his students.
Harry sat on a stool across the large work table in front of the classroom. He and Snape had been there for at least an hour, Harry fetching items upon demand, chopping, and watching. Mostly watching, as Snape became more and more absorbed in his work. He had made the base potion first and set it aside to cool while he worked on the two individual parts that would be added to his dose and Harry's respectively.
Such sure hands, Harry noted as he watched Snape mince a valerian root with a sharp knife. So strong. Effortless movements. Long, delicate fingers... Very nice hands... Harry's gaze wandered up Snape's arms. Almost priestly, in those austere black robes. He'd laugh to hear that. Well, snort anyway. Not sure I've really seen him laugh. Although he did smile, in my room. At me. A real smile, not a smirk. It was... lovely. Made him look good. Younger. Less bitter. Smoothed out the furrows in his forehead, made his deep, dark eyes brighter...
Harry was amused and a bit surprised to catch himself staring at Snape, superimposing his memory of that smile back onto the man concentrating in front of him.
I liked how he looked when he smiled. I like the way he looks now, even not smiling. Studious. Intense. Mysterious. Not quite touchable, aloof. But not ugly or mean, like I thought when I was a kid. Just, well, handsomely mysterious.
Handsome? God, next I'll be thinking he's sexy! Harry felt his cheeks start to flush.
Well, perhaps..., he thought, chewing his bottom lip. There's just something about him...
"If you're quite done staring at me, Mr. Potter, I wonder if you might be persuaded to go fetch some skullcap and mugwort from the storeroom?" Snape interrupted, with poorly concealed amusement.
Harry jumped, practically falling off the stool in his embarrassment as he ran to the store room for the ingredients.
Shit! Bad enough to be thinking such things, about Snape of all people, but to be caught at it... He'll tease and torment me forever. Why do these things always happen to me? Why can't I just have a normal life?
All right, calm down. He saw you staring, he didn't read your mind thinking about how he looks.
No, but he's been doing an amazing job of reading my thoughts lately; I wouldn't put it past him to have some idea about this as well. I must be so transparent...
Harry returned to the table with the herbs and Snape instructed him to begin grinding them together with a mortar and pestle. When he was finished, Snape added a pinch of the powdered herbs to each of the two crystal goblets he had already prepared with the rest of the potion. The herbs fizzled and disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke and the liquid turned a deep indigo.
"For the final ingredients we need something from each of us. As the dream-sharer, your glass needs one eyelash from each of your upper lids, untouched by you. As the dreamer, my glass needs the same plus two of my hairs from the nape of the neck."
Harry blinked at him.
"Come here, then, and take off your spectacles."
Harry walked over to Snape's side of the table and removed his glasses.
Snape moved closer and took Harry's face in his hands.
Smooth, warm hands, Harry thought as his pulse quickened. He looked up into dark eyes and felt like he was seeing them for the first time, deep and hinting at unchartable depths and hidden secrets. He closed his eyes as Snape reached towards them and felt hands, surprisingly gentle, touching his eyelid with warm fingers. A twinge of pain followed as Snape pulled out one single lash with a pair of tweezers.
Harry tried not to flinch but couldn't stop the involuntary reaction as his eye filled with water. Snape must have noticed, because his fingertip gently traced the eyelid and soothed away both the sting and the moisture. The other eye received the same treatment.
Harry realized he was holding his breath and could feel Snape's body, not touching him, but just barely an inch away. Snape was still touching his face and hadn't drawn back. Feels nice... I wonder why he hasn't moved?
He opened his eyes to find Snape staring down at him with an unreadable expression on his face.
Clearing his throat, Snape stepped back. "All right then." He carefully dropped the lashes into Harry's cup, where they dissolved soundlessly and the liquid turned even darker. "Your turn," he said, sitting down so Harry could reach him more easily.
Harry took a slow breath to try and steady himself, wiping sweating hands on his robes as he drew closer. Snape's eyes were already closed and Harry wondered if the dim lighting in the room was responsible for the color starting to stain his cheeks.
He reached out a shaking hand and laid it gently on Snape's cheekbone, turning his face. He took up the tweezers and held down the eyelid with one finger as Snape had done as he pulled out a lash. Snape didn't flinch at all but his eye watered, too. Again mimicking what Snape had done to him, Harry lightly traced his eyelashes, soothing and wiping away the tear.
When he had finished the other eye, Harry turned from the plate where he had carefully laid the lashes to see Snape looking at him again. He couldn't read Snape's expression at all and his insides began to feel like they were shaking as much as his hands were.
He cleared his throat, then murmured, "Turn around." He was surprised at how compliantly his order was followed. Harry touched the back of Snape's head, bending it forward as his fingers stroked through the silky black strands. Not greasy at all - smooth, silky, dark, and thick. Like midnight, like ink, no wonder it looks wet...
Harry's fingers combed through the hair, down to the nape of Snape's neck, caught up in the sensation. They both shivered as his fingertips met flesh, and Harry forced himself to focus. He separated two strands of hair, followed them to the root, and quickly pulled.
Neither of them said a word as Snape took the hair and lashes and added them to his goblet. The lashes fizzed but the hairs seemed to thicken and melt into the potion, turning it a brilliant purple. They both stared at the goblets for a long moment.
"The sedative is in my room," said Snape. "My bed is, er, larger than yours. I think we should sleep in there."
Harry nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
"I don't know how quickly this potion takes effect; it would be safest to be ready for bed and drink it just before lying down," Snape added.
Harry nodded his agreement again.
“So... we should go get changed,” Snape finished somewhat awkwardly. He took both goblets and swept out of the classroom towards his chambers, Harry trailing behind.
1 AM, Day 3
The clock in Snape's living room was striking one in the morning as Harry knocked at the door, awkward in his boxers, t-shirt, and bathrobe. Snape also seemed a bit uncomfortable in his pajamas and dressing gown. The tension grew as they walked wordlessly into Snape's bedroom, each to opposite sides of the large four-poster bed with gauzy green silk hangings. Harry tried not to feel self-conscious as he took off his robe; there was nothing revealing about what he was wearing. Still, he was having a difficult time trying not to think about being in bed with Snape, of all people, and sleeping closely enough to share a pillow with him.
"It is bigger than mine."
It was a moment before Harry realized he'd said those words out loud, just as Snape was taking off his dressing gown, and the skin all over Harry's body almost burst into flame with the fury of his embarrassment. Snape's eyes rounded until he looked almost like a house elf, a slight flush coloring his cheeks as well.
Harry stuttered, "I mean the bed, the pillows!"
Snape blinked a few times, clearing his throat. "Ah. Yes. It, they, are." Both men studiously kept their eyes focused on the bed and refused to even glance at the other.
"Well, er..." Snape took a deep breath. "If you're ready then, we should just get started."
He actually blushed a bit at his unintentional double entendre, but Harry missed it, too focused on his own embarrassment. Harry nodded and took his goblet, darting his eyes at Snape to see that he had his, and they both drank their potions at the same time.
Clumsily, hesitantly, they got into bed, trying hard not to look at each other. Harry could feel himself shaking inside, unsure if it was from the potion or nerves. He lay down with as much of his body on his side of the bed as possible, angled with his head on just the corner of the pillow.
After a few moments, Snape whispered in a dry voice, "It's important that your head stay on the pillow all night, Mr. Potter. I suggest you move closer; I don't bite."
Harry flinched at Snape's tone of voice, flooded with old feelings of humiliation as a student in the Potions classroom. He scooted fractionally closer.
Of course he can tell how uncomfortable you are, you bloody idiot! He can probably hear how fast your heart is beating! He just wants the spell to work, not to be close to you. He doesn't like you; he'd surely make fun of you if he knew this was the first time you'd ever been in bed with someone else, even just to sleep. I bet he can tell. He knows you were looking at him in the classroom. He knows what you were thinking. I bet he knows you're gay. I bet he can tell you're a virgin. He's probably laughing to himself right now, at how awkward you are, how pathetic you are, "Poor Potter, such a disappointment, such a loser that no one ever even kissed him. So worthless--"
"Harry?"
Snape's questioning voice interrupted the hateful chorus screaming in Harry's head, expertly ripping him into a million tiny wretched pieces.
"Are you all right?" Snape rolled over onto his side, facing Harry with a puzzled expression. "I know this is... Well, highly unpleasant for you, but you're as stiff as board. Relax. I promise, you won't have nightmares. I don't see any possible way this combination of potions could fail."
Harry took a deep breath. He unclenched his hands and unscrewed his eyes, looking up into Snape's concerned face. He felt something inside him release bit and the internal chorus faded away to a whisper. "I know. I trust you. I'm sorry," he mumbled.
Snape lay back down. "Don't be sorry, just go to sleep," he ordered. "And Harry?" He cautiously reached out for Harry's clammy hand and gave it a light squeeze. "Sleep well."
Harry's hand tingled as the warmth from Snape's touch traveled up his arm and spread through his whole body. He had a lot of thoughts swirling through his head - how he had felt with Snape in the Potions classroom tonight, how scared he was that the other man would know his darkest secrets, the confusing way he seemed so concerned and caring one moment and his old sarcastic self the next, saying that Harry must find it unpleasant to be in bed with him, and finally that gentle touch of his hand...
But sleep began to pull at him, taking him away from a world of confusion and fear and loneliness. After a brief struggle, Harry submitted and was deeply asleep in minutes.
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-30 10:04 pm (UTC)>>"It is bigger than mine."
Harry stuttered, "I mean the bed, the pillows!"
Snape blinked a few times, clearing his throat. "Ah. Yes. It, they, are." <<
thank you, g'night
-km-
no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 08:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-30 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 08:46 pm (UTC)I love Snape's snark too - it will resurface eventually. ;)
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Date: 2007-04-30 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 01:01 am (UTC)Poor Harry - that curse is really horrid. I simultaneously need to know and dont want to imagine whats going to happen after: "I dont see any possible way this combination of potions could fail"
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Date: 2007-05-01 08:51 pm (UTC)Don't fret too much - Severus will take good care of Harry, no matter what happens. I'm not an angst writer at all. ;)
Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2007-05-01 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 08:52 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2007-05-01 02:21 am (UTC)Nether of them said a word as Snape took the hair and lashes and added them to his goblet. - Sorry I spotted this typo and since everything in this re-edit is so clean, I had to mention it. :) sorry
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Date: 2007-05-01 08:54 pm (UTC)Ooh - thank you for the note. I'll fix it right away!
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Date: 2007-05-08 07:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-08 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 01:46 am (UTC)sorry...it has been 2 weeks since the internet has been down and i am so excited! WOO!!
and even more excited to read this! WOO!!
harry comments hit home with me...i used to think that all the time...ruined my life...i hate it when people think that cause i know how sad life is in that stage...now I'm happy and know that people love me ...if not...i just steal there love :D
but harry's comment on how *big it is* really made me laugh out loud....scared the cat though ^_^' nothing new
ok...time for me to stop rambling and start reading more! on to the next chapter!!
no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 03:08 am (UTC)Poor Harry's got some angst to work through, but I think Severus will be able to help him out. ;) I'm glad you worked through yours.