so very random
Apr. 24th, 2003 01:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
salixbabyloni'm not sure i'm ready for my worlds to overlap quite as much as they are. i had thought of using lj as a place to sort out some of my thoughts that i can't talk to anyone about because I don't personally in-the-flesh know anyone in the fandom, and god knows my poor husband is annoyed that i've ruined the books for him. (amused annoyed, really)
i don't want to lock people out. i guess i'm just... conflicted and embarrassed.
and should probably just get over myself already.
thoughts... what was Lupin off doing for 13 years while Harry was growing up? why did he never try to contact him? i've got to read the books again, but i don't recall him being surprised to see him - he's TBWL, after all...
the adult characters interest me so much more than the children... at the moment anyway. i suppose it keeps me from feeling like a pedophile.
the lack of female characters is annoying... most of the time i just let it go, but in my sleep-deprived state today, i keep being annoyed. there's such richness and possibility among the male students and teachers, but not much about the females. perhaps as Harry ages, we'll get more females in his life.
sometimes, i confess, i don't want the next book to come out. i'm so afraid.
and getting to know the other writers whose stuff i've been reading for a year now... do i want to give up seeing them with starry eyes? dare i converse with the almighty creators of worlds i've inhabited for weeks and have changed something inside me? what if they're just normal people? what if i don't like them? what if i like their writing less for knowing them more?
what if pigs fly?
and why am i so ashamed of this anyway? why have i been trying to figure this out for a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR and still don't get it? why does it feel any different or worse than in high school, writing stories about Louis and Lestat and Armand? it was ok to be a little pervert then but now i'm supposed to have grown out of it? or is it because they're kids books? or the gay thing? or the power dynamics? why is this such a major fucking crisis for me?
can i even post this? do i have the strength to admit this to the internet?
what do i have to lose?
i don't want to lock people out. i guess i'm just... conflicted and embarrassed.
and should probably just get over myself already.
thoughts... what was Lupin off doing for 13 years while Harry was growing up? why did he never try to contact him? i've got to read the books again, but i don't recall him being surprised to see him - he's TBWL, after all...
the adult characters interest me so much more than the children... at the moment anyway. i suppose it keeps me from feeling like a pedophile.
the lack of female characters is annoying... most of the time i just let it go, but in my sleep-deprived state today, i keep being annoyed. there's such richness and possibility among the male students and teachers, but not much about the females. perhaps as Harry ages, we'll get more females in his life.
sometimes, i confess, i don't want the next book to come out. i'm so afraid.
and getting to know the other writers whose stuff i've been reading for a year now... do i want to give up seeing them with starry eyes? dare i converse with the almighty creators of worlds i've inhabited for weeks and have changed something inside me? what if they're just normal people? what if i don't like them? what if i like their writing less for knowing them more?
what if pigs fly?
and why am i so ashamed of this anyway? why have i been trying to figure this out for a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR and still don't get it? why does it feel any different or worse than in high school, writing stories about Louis and Lestat and Armand? it was ok to be a little pervert then but now i'm supposed to have grown out of it? or is it because they're kids books? or the gay thing? or the power dynamics? why is this such a major fucking crisis for me?
can i even post this? do i have the strength to admit this to the internet?
what do i have to lose?
