salixbabylon | Fic: If I Could Rearrange the Alphabet, I'd Put "U" and "I" Together (4/26)

Title: If I Could Rearrange the Alphabet, I'd Put "U" and "I" Together
Author:

salixbabylon
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 (eventually, I promise)
Word Count: 1094
Disclaimer: No offense meant at all to the real guys. This is just fiction, people.

Summary: Jared and Jensen take a romp through the alphabet, teasing each other relentlessly all the way. AKA domestic schmoop, guy-style.

Notes: Thanks go out to everyone who contributed word prompts –

aelfwitchfic,

okinay,

tularia,

sarka,

anorienparker,

violetlemon47,

gigglingkat,

baileymoyes,

griffndor,

autumn_witch78, and

seanlily. And of course to

sarka for her writing help and betaing.

If I Could Rearrange the Alphabet, I'd Put "U" and "I" Together

D is for Doggies, from

tularia

Dogs are opportunistic creatures. They will take as much as they can get of food, petting, games, walks, and love. If you give them a treat or accidentally drop food while you are eating, they will show up at every meal and snack, hoping for it to happen again. They have time; they weren't busy doing anything else. They live in hope.

If given a blanket, a dog will try to sleep on any blanket-like surface, especially a bed. If let up once for snuggles, they will assume they are allowed up all the time. If they're shut out of the bedroom, they'll sleep on the sofa. If there's a barrier on the sofa, all the bedroom doors are shut, and they can't knock off the barrier or nudge the doors open with their noses, they will, with great reluctance and heartfelt sighs at how awful the world is, deign to sleep on their expensive dog beds.

Dogs really do prefer individually-wrapped coil springs and pillow-top mattresses. A down comforter is also nice, since it smells like defeated game birds. In Doggie Heaven the clouds are made of down comforters.

Harley and Sadie were no different. Sure, Jared tried to train them to behave properly, to know who was Alpha and who was Beta, to stay off the furniture, to not snuffle crotches, and not to take food off the coffee table. Mostly they were pretty good.

Harley was a big old slut – his favorite person in the universe was the one who was currently petting him or giving him illicit snacks. He and his master shared the same general enthusiasm for life, seeming to wake up almost every day thrilled beyond belief that the sun had come up and there was a whole new day of walks and food and playing and snoozing in the sun to look forward to.

Sadie was a little more hesitant, having decided to let the bouncy big dork she lived with charge on ahead and get into trouble first. And also sniff out the people who had yummies in their pockets and identify the ones who shoved away slobbery dogs but would willingly pet a polite, pretty girl for hours. She might be smaller than the three males she lived with, but she was the bitch of the house and knew how to get what she wanted.

The two dogs had their own beds, in the corner near the heat vent of Jared's bedroom. They were clearly inferior to the big bed, but there just wasn't room for everyone in the pack when Sandy stayed over, particularly if the two humans started dominance wrestling. (There were never any puppies, so clearly if they were trying to mate, they were doing it wrong.) Sadie was amazed that they kept having to prove who was dominant: Sandy made sharp, high-pitched noises but she was usually the one on top, and Jared's falling asleep immediately after was definitely a sign of submission.

Both dogs were kind of glad when Sandy stopped coming over, because Jared was supposed to be Alpha and it wasn't good for pack morale that he kept getting dominated by a visiting bitch, even if she was generous with the petting. Anyway, the big bed was pretty much off-limits when Sandy was there, aside from a few cuddles right before bedtime, so it was a triumph for the dogs when she didn't come over any more and Jared started letting them sleep on her side of the bed regularly. He seemed sad for some reason, especially when all of the Sandy-smelling things were taken out of the house, but the dogs did their best to reassure him that the pack was all right and that they were there for him.

And not too long after that, things that smelled like Jensen moved into the house, which was awesome because Jensen was really good with the ear scratches. Also, once there were at least four bottles on the coffee table, he was pretty messy with the chips and snacks and needed Harley and Sadie to help him clean up – "doggie vacuums" he called them, laughing.

Once Jared's bed no longer smelled like Sandy, the dogs were encouraged to go back to their own beds a little more often, which sucked. Then again, Jared thrashed around a lot and it was no fun getting kicked in the ribs or head, no matter how much of an accident it was. Harley had greater tolerance for it than Sadie; she usually got off the bed with a hugely disappointed sigh and sought out other, more restful accommodations after being awoken so rudely.

The sofa downstairs was rather nice, but Jensen almost never shut his door firmly enough that it couldn't be nudged open, so Sadie quickly found a replacement place to sleep. One without a human who kicked; Jensen was very well behaved in bed. Jensen had been a part of the extended pack for a long time, but once he became a full-time member, his bed became Sadie's favorite place at night. Sure, when he awoke he made scolding clicks with his tongue and pretended to be annoyed, but his eyes said he was happy to see her and he cuddled up next to her in his sleep, so she knew she was welcome.

Every now and then Harley would join them, too, which was nice, but Jensen's bed was smaller than Jared's and the three of them didn't fit quite as well. Plus, their Alpha wasn't there in the puppy pile and that didn't seem fair. What would be best, Sadie and Harley thought, would be if all four of them were in the Alpha bed.

Unfortunately, Jared and Jensen didn't share beds the way Jared and Sandy had, although they did wrestle for dominance on the floor a lot, and the sofa, and they sometimes napped together there, too, whether they smelled like beer or not. The humans were taking a long time to figure out the dominance-thing, but it smelled like they were going to end up in the nice big bed together, soon, which was as it should be. People were really slow at figuring things out sometimes, though, so Sadie and Harley tried to be patient.

All and all, it was a pretty good deal, the dogs thought. There was an extra bed in the house for Jensen and Sadie, and Harley could sleep with Jared and endure his kicking and farting. Jensen knew how to treat a girl.

And their pack was happy again.

E is for Exercise

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From:

secondheartbeat.livejournal.com

this is the absolute cutest thing i've ever read in my life. I was laughing the whole way through and spent the times not laughing with a idealistic grin spread on my face.

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Fic: If I Could Rearrange the Alphabet, I'd Put "U" and "I" Together (4/26)

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