Fic: How The Cheetah Lost His Spots
Apr. 3rd, 2004 10:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
salixbabylonOK, well, there was this one fic we both read and this longstanding joke between us, and then a chat in Y!M and well, you know how sometimes you're just joking around having fun and then a bunny is born? Yeah. That happened.
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
salixbabylon and lostiawen
Title: How The Cheetah Lost His Spots (1/1)
Email: salixbabylon@yahoo.com and changeling@planetx.org
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: VM/OB
Genre: RPS
Word Count: 2847
Archive: Viggorously, Aniron, VOLA, Of Elves and Men, our web sites. All others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Summary: Orli's costume causes commotion and combustion.
Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction, none of this really happened.
The authors are not associated with or is implying anything about
the sexual preferences or the lives of the people depicted within.
Warnings : Light-hearted crack!fic. Swordplay and silly imagery.
Author's Notes: The latest VigOrli AU fic "Fire on Ice" by Louisa
and a wonderful metaphor from Bailey in "Soul's Society" inspired us.
Our brains are very crooked, yes they are.
Posted Apr. 3, 2004.
How The Cheetah Lost His Spots
"Orlando Bloom, *what* in God's name are you wearing?" Liv gasped. She'd come over to borrow something for tonight's Halloween party and Orli had insisted he try on his costume for her to see.
A huge grin split Orli's face, making his eyes crinkle at the edges. "Isn't it great?"
"It's...It's...Um," she attempted, before giving up to instead take a few deep breaths, trying to control the muscles twitching in her jaw.
"It's a cheetah," Orlando helpfully supplied, spreading out his arms and twirling around.
Liv blinked a few times. "It's...Lycra."
"Yeah, I found it at a second-hand shop. It's *airbrushed*," he explained, bouncing in place, clearly elated with his find.
Liv was still trying to find words. "It's...a Lycra...bodysuit. With... Are those sequins?" A note of dismay crept into her stunned voice.
"Yeah, gold and black sequins," Orli grinned. He waved his arms in front of himself. "With ruffles on the cuffs!"
"Orli, that's...um..." Liv took another steadying breath. "I think that's a woman's Lycra unitard."
Orli's face fell. "It is?" He spun around to look in the mirror on his closet door. "Do you think it matters?"
"Um," Liv hesitated as she glanced first at his ass and then at his crotch, reflected in the mirror. She spun around as she squeaked, "Yeah."
"I think its omnisex," Orlando shrugged, studying his reflection. It certainly was tight. "I'd considered wearing knickers, but all I have are boxers," he explained seriously. "I didn't think that would look right."
"No," Liv agreed somewhat breathlessly, deciding not to correct his grammar. Still unable to process what she was looking at.
"Anyway," Orli said, "it fits fine. A bit revealing perhaps, but nothing you lot haven't already seen. Not much tighter than a wetsuit, really."
"But neoprene is thicker..." Liv started to explain before she was interrupted.
"Oh wait! I almost forgot the best part," he cried, rushing past her to the living room.
"The best part," she mumbled weakly. Dear God.
Orlando was back a second later. He carefully adjusted the headband on top of his curls and turned around grinning. "Ears!"
Liv's smile wavered, but through force of will, stayed. "Ears," she agreed, staring at the fuzzy, spotted objects.
"Help me put on the tail?" he asked, holding out a huge safety pin and something that was evidently the tail. He bent over and stuck his bottom out.
"Oh God, Orli," she whimpered.
"What?" He wiggled his ass at her. "Like what you see?"
Liv opened and closed her mouth a few times, discarding several replies. She gave up and quickly pinned on the tail, trying to avoid touching him as much as possible. The Lycra was so tight it was practically painted on, and stretched to its maximum since it was obviously designed for a shorter person. The back view was, well, ok, kind of hot, but she really didn't want to think of Orli that way. He was like her brother or something. And the front was quite simply obscene.
"I'm done," she said, giving him a swat on the rump. Playfully. Like a sister would. She was his good friend. She would simply avoid looking at his crotch.
Orlando stood up and twirled around to see the tail over his shoulder in the mirror. "Brilliant! Thanks, luv," he cried, launching himself at her and wrapping her in an uncomfortably tight embrace. More uncomfortable because it felt like he was totally naked than because of the strength of his
grip.
"I'll see you tonight, then," Liv said, disentangling herself. "Thanks for loaning me your frock coat. And for uh, the, um, preview."
"Hey, don't tell the others, ok? I want it to be a surprise," Orli asked, turning back to study his reflection in the mirror.
"Not a word," Liv promised as she let herself out. "They wouldn't believe me," she muttered to herself as the door closed behind her.
****
There was a loud crash from the kitchen, followed by an even louder, heartfelt, "FUCK!" from Dom.
Elijah stuck his head in the kitchen to see what had broken. Two six-packs of beer had apparently made it safely to the counter before one of two bags had slipped out from under Dom's arms. Bags of cheese puffs and corn chips and a jar of salsa had survived the trauma. An industrial-sized container of Vaseline had opened but luckily not broken, and half the contents had spattered across the floor.
"Is that...Vaseline?" Elijah asked, incredulous.
"Um..." Dom answered, avoiding eye contact.
Elijah help up one hand. "No. Stop. I don't want to know. Just clean it up before someone slips and falls."
"'Lij! I bought it because I wanted to dye my hair for tonight," Dom said frantically.
"La la la, I'm not listening to you," Lij said, clapping his hands over his ears.
"But..." Dom took a step forward, but Elijah made a hasty exit.
"Just clean that shit up!" he called over his shoulder.
"Shite," Dom muttered. He grabbed some paper towels and started wiping, hoping that he wouldn't have to spend too much time at it.
****
The party was in full swing when Elijah gave Liv a nudge.
"Have you seen Orli?" he yelled over the music. "Or Viggo?"
"No!" Liv shouted back, "But you know how they're always late to everything!"
Elijah said, "But Orli promised me that he'd do a simple costume."
Liv bit her lip, trying to squelch the image of Orli in Lycra out of her head. "Um...he did. Maybe he decided to shop for something fancy to drink."
"Figures," Elijah said. The doorbell rang. "I bet that's our elf." He scurried over to the door and threw it open. Viggo was standing there, looking dashing in his Zorro costume.
"Nice cape, Vig!" Elijah said. "Couldn't ditch the sword, though, could ya?" he snickered, pointing at the rapier Viggo was sporting.
Viggo adjusted his mask and replied, "And would you be able to recognize me without it?" in a Spanish accent.
Elijah grinned. "Hmmm, lessee...well, you have the manly stubble, and you still have that slightly mental look in your eyes, so that would be a yes."
"And aren't you a bit short for a storm trooper?" Viggo replied, pointing to Elijah's costume.
"Shit, that line is *so* old," Elijah grumbled, his voice still a bit muffled through the full-face mask. "Everyone's been telling me that."
"Well, you can't say that you didn't invite it," Viggo said, walking in.
Philippa, dressed as a female hobbit, stumbled over with a glass of port in hand. "My God, don't you look ravishing," she said, swaying a bit as she talked.
"Ah...but nothing could compare to your beauty, my fine Shire senorita," Viggo purred.
"Well, then, how about a little kiss?" Philippa slurred, leaning in closer.
Viggo said uncomfortably, "Um...Philippa, you're really drunk." He was trying to prop her upright when her hand snaked around and grabbed his ass. Yelping in surprise, he jumped to the side, knocking the glass of port out of her loose grip and onto his costume.
"Fuck!" he growled. Although his outfit was black, it would get sticky once the port dried. He hastily handed Philippa off to Elijah and went into the kitchen to wash the alcohol out.
His foot slid on something near the sink. "What the fuck?" he muttered, not wanting to know what weird substance Elijah had dropped on the linoleum. Walking slowly, he made his way over to the sink and inspected his shirt.
The port had unfortunately spilled right onto his chest, which was impossible to stick under the faucet. Grumbling, Viggo pulled off his cape, then removed his shirt and started running the water over it. He was still rinsing the stain when he heard the doorbell ring again. The whole room suddenly burst out with "ORLI!" Viggo grinned; it figured that the elf would be the last one to arrive.
"Oi! What beast did you kill for *that* outfit?" Viggo heard Billy saying.
"ORLANDO?!! What in the world is that abomination?" he heard Ian say indignantly. "That *thing* is a crime against good taste."
"I don't know, I quite like it," countered Sean A. "He's a very pretty kitty. Turn around for us."
Someone Viggo didn't recognize hooted, "Nice tail." It was followed by a loud wolf-whistle.
"Cold out, eh, Orli?" Dom's voice called out. Everyone dissolved into laughter and Viggo shook his head, determined to deal with his clothing before he satisfied his curiosity. He was guessing that Orli had shown up as some demented, ruffled version of The Cat in the Hat.
"Glad you like the view, you cunts!" Orli called out. "Now, stop grabbing me there! I have to go chill this fine champagne."
The door opened and Viggo turned around. It took all of his acting ability to keep from staring.
Orlando was standing in the doorway in a bodysuit that was so tight that it was practically bonded onto his skin. It left nothing to the imagination, even revealing which side Orli dressed to. Viggo swallowed nervously, trying to unglue his eyes from Orli's crotch.
"Hey, old man! What are you doing skulking in the kitchen?" he asked. Fuck, Viggo was shirtless, wearing just a mask and trousers. It was eerily like that fantasy that he'd wanked off to the other night.
"Um..." Viggo said. He was trying to come up with a witty comment, but his mouth just wouldn't work.
"Cat got your tongue?" Orli said mischievously. He walked over to the refrigerator and rummaged about, bending over at the hips. "Christ, there's never any room in here," he muttered, oblivious to the fact that every curve and crevice ofhis very firm ass was nicely displayed.
Viggo's jaw was now hanging open. He cursed the fact that the tail was obscuring his view. He watched the round cheeks shift around, and he was still gaping when he noticed that Orlando was standing up. Needing to regain his composure, he became incredibly interested in rubbing a non-existent stain off one of his buttons.
He heard Orlando coming closer. "You didn't answer my question, smelly hu...WHOA SHIT!" Viggo quickly looked up and saw that Orlando had lost his footing. He grabbed at his sliding castmate, catching Orlando firmly in his arms.
Viggo felt a jolt of electricity at the contact. Their lips were a hair's breadth apart and Orlando's wide brown eyes looked deep into his own.
"Um..." Orlando said. His tongue darted out, nervously licking his lips.
Unable to resist the temptation, Viggo touched their lips together, moaning as he felt Orlando's soft mouth open. He plunged his tongue in, his cock hardening as he felt Orlando responding eagerly to him.
As Viggo's tongue retreated, Orli pursued it, arching his body into Viggo, purring and rubbing against him like the cat he was dressed as. The Lycra might as well have been nonexistent; it felt like Orli was completely naked in his arms. Tingles shot through them both at the taste of each other, finally, after so many months of flirting.
Eventually the need for breath made Orli pull his mouth away, body still entwined with Viggo's. "Holy fuck," he gasped, blinking for a minute. Then he grinned and batted his eyes melodramatically, sighing, "My hero," while rubbing their groins together.
"My kitty in distress," Viggo said in his Zorro accent.
Viggo's hands slid down from Orli's waist to squeeze his succulent ass. He groaned when Orli slung a leg around his hips and started grinding into him; Orlando's hands caressed Viggo's naked chest, raking his fingertips through the light dusting of hair, stroking each thumb across Viggo's nipples. Head spinning out of control, Viggo picked Orlando up and deposited him on the edge of a kitchen counter, hands sliding around to cup Orli's evident arousal through the Lycra.
"Fuck, man, I thought you'd never do this," Orlando groaned as he arched into Viggo's hands. He quickly pulled off the sash Viggo was wearing and fumbled with the pants, only succeeding in unzipping them. He was totally hard now, and could feel moisture gathering on his cock.
"Shit, wait a second, though. This thing isn't washable, it's *airbrushed*." He pulled away and pouted for a moment, as Viggo's other hand skated down the slippery surface to massage his balls. "Wait! Help me get this off," he demanded.
"I have a better idea," Viggo rasped, stepping back. His hand blurred as he pulled out his sword and quickly slashed it through the air. As he paused to sheath the blade, Orli's costume fell down around his ankles, cut into neat ribbons. Viggo smirked.
Orli's jaw dropped and for once in the history of the world, he was shocked into silence. Anticipating a barrage of whining, Viggo captured Orlando's lips again, kissing him senseless while he opened a cabinet to find some oil.
His fingers brushed across a bottle and Viggo pulled it out. From the corner of his eye, he saw that it was olive oil infused with chili peppers -- completely unsuitable for his purposes. He reached into the cabinet again, searching. His eyebrows shot up when he felt a familiar tube. Thinking that he was imagining things, he pulled it out.
Orlando had finally noticed Viggo's distraction, when the hand on his cock had stopped and Viggo's tongue had stopped exploring his mouth quite so hungrily.
"Isn't that a tube of KY?" he said, pulling back. "Bugger, it is! 'Lij must've nicked it from make-up!"
Viggo grinned and replied, "Never thought I'd actually be happy that they decided to use it for Aragorn."
Orli crinkled his nose. "Ew, you're going to use ranger sweat on my arse?"
Viggo squeezed the gel onto his fingers and said, "Didn't anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?" He pushed a slick digit into Orlando as he spoke.
"N-no..." Orlando gasped. Any further words faded off into a breathy moan as Viggo stroked him inside. He pushed down eagerly, parting his legs further. That Zorro costume had him so hot and bothered, he didn't are if the while cast and crew came in to watch.
"You're ready," Viggo growled, removing his finger and reaching into his pants pocket for a condom. He tore the wrapper open and quickly rolled the latex onto his twitching cock. Viggo slathered more lube onto himself and pulled Orli's butt to the edge of the counter, nudging his shaft at the tiny entrance.
"Please," Orlando said, fully ready to beg for as long as Viggo wanted him to. He hissed as Viggo pushed in, moaning as he was filled, loving the delicious burn.
"Damn, you're so tight," Viggo said in a low voice. He pulled Orlando against him, bracing his arms so that he could bury himself deeper in the willing body underneath him.
Orlando whimpered, twining his legs around Viggo's waist. "More," he breathed. "Let me feel it."
"As you wish," Viggo replied. He started thrusting quickly, pistoning his hips as he plunged into the tight channel.
"YES!" Orlando cried out, writhing and digging his fingers into Viggo's arms. Viggo sealed their mouths together, plunging his tongue in time with his strokes, keeping up the brutal pace until Orlando was quivering with need.
Reaching between them, Viggo grabbed Orli's dripping cock. As he pumped the hard flesh, he resumed his Spanish accent and purred, "Come for me, pretty one."
It was too much for Orlando. The mask... Viggo's shirtless body relentlessly driving into him, pounding into him over and over... his sexy as hell voice commanding him with an exotic accent... Orlando screamed, arching back as he climaxed, coating Viggo's fingers with his release. Viggo gasped as he felt Orlando's internal muscles spasming around him, and he slammed in one more time, throwing back his head and roaring as he came.
He slumped down, dizzily touching his forehead to Orli's. They just sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the buzz.
"I need to take care of the condom," Viggo finally said. Orli nodded and he reluctantly pulled out. While Orlando was cleaning himself off with some paper towels, he removed the latex sheath and disposed of it in the kitchen trash. Viggo then tucked his cock back in and zipped up his fly.
"Fuck! My costume is completely ruined," Orlando whined. "You shredded it, and I've got whatever shit was on the floor on the bottom of my slippers." He indicated his poofy, furry, cheetah-patterned footwear.
Viggo held Orli's ankle in his hand and looked closely. "I don't see anything..." he ran a finger along the surface. "Feels like...Vaseline."
Orlando rolled his eyes. "I *so* don't want to know why 'Lij has KY *and* Vaseline in his kitchen."
Viggo picked up his cape and gallantly draped it over Orli's shoulders. "Come on, I'll drive you home. We can leave out the back door."
Orli hopped off the counter. "All right, but you owe me another shag for that, old man."
"Of course, my little saucy little kitty," Viggo smirked.
"Christ, and take off the sword next time!"
THE END
Authors:
salixbabylon and lostiawen Title: How The Cheetah Lost His Spots (1/1)
Email: salixbabylon@yahoo.com and changeling@planetx.org
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: VM/OB
Genre: RPS
Word Count: 2847
Archive: Viggorously, Aniron, VOLA, Of Elves and Men, our web sites. All others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Summary: Orli's costume causes commotion and combustion.
Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction, none of this really happened.
The authors are not associated with or is implying anything about
the sexual preferences or the lives of the people depicted within.
Warnings : Light-hearted crack!fic. Swordplay and silly imagery.
Author's Notes: The latest VigOrli AU fic "Fire on Ice" by Louisa
and a wonderful metaphor from Bailey in "Soul's Society" inspired us.
Our brains are very crooked, yes they are.
Posted Apr. 3, 2004.
"Orlando Bloom, *what* in God's name are you wearing?" Liv gasped. She'd come over to borrow something for tonight's Halloween party and Orli had insisted he try on his costume for her to see.
A huge grin split Orli's face, making his eyes crinkle at the edges. "Isn't it great?"
"It's...It's...Um," she attempted, before giving up to instead take a few deep breaths, trying to control the muscles twitching in her jaw.
"It's a cheetah," Orlando helpfully supplied, spreading out his arms and twirling around.
Liv blinked a few times. "It's...Lycra."
"Yeah, I found it at a second-hand shop. It's *airbrushed*," he explained, bouncing in place, clearly elated with his find.
Liv was still trying to find words. "It's...a Lycra...bodysuit. With... Are those sequins?" A note of dismay crept into her stunned voice.
"Yeah, gold and black sequins," Orli grinned. He waved his arms in front of himself. "With ruffles on the cuffs!"
"Orli, that's...um..." Liv took another steadying breath. "I think that's a woman's Lycra unitard."
Orli's face fell. "It is?" He spun around to look in the mirror on his closet door. "Do you think it matters?"
"Um," Liv hesitated as she glanced first at his ass and then at his crotch, reflected in the mirror. She spun around as she squeaked, "Yeah."
"I think its omnisex," Orlando shrugged, studying his reflection. It certainly was tight. "I'd considered wearing knickers, but all I have are boxers," he explained seriously. "I didn't think that would look right."
"No," Liv agreed somewhat breathlessly, deciding not to correct his grammar. Still unable to process what she was looking at.
"Anyway," Orli said, "it fits fine. A bit revealing perhaps, but nothing you lot haven't already seen. Not much tighter than a wetsuit, really."
"But neoprene is thicker..." Liv started to explain before she was interrupted.
"Oh wait! I almost forgot the best part," he cried, rushing past her to the living room.
"The best part," she mumbled weakly. Dear God.
Orlando was back a second later. He carefully adjusted the headband on top of his curls and turned around grinning. "Ears!"
Liv's smile wavered, but through force of will, stayed. "Ears," she agreed, staring at the fuzzy, spotted objects.
"Help me put on the tail?" he asked, holding out a huge safety pin and something that was evidently the tail. He bent over and stuck his bottom out.
"Oh God, Orli," she whimpered.
"What?" He wiggled his ass at her. "Like what you see?"
Liv opened and closed her mouth a few times, discarding several replies. She gave up and quickly pinned on the tail, trying to avoid touching him as much as possible. The Lycra was so tight it was practically painted on, and stretched to its maximum since it was obviously designed for a shorter person. The back view was, well, ok, kind of hot, but she really didn't want to think of Orli that way. He was like her brother or something. And the front was quite simply obscene.
"I'm done," she said, giving him a swat on the rump. Playfully. Like a sister would. She was his good friend. She would simply avoid looking at his crotch.
Orlando stood up and twirled around to see the tail over his shoulder in the mirror. "Brilliant! Thanks, luv," he cried, launching himself at her and wrapping her in an uncomfortably tight embrace. More uncomfortable because it felt like he was totally naked than because of the strength of his
grip.
"I'll see you tonight, then," Liv said, disentangling herself. "Thanks for loaning me your frock coat. And for uh, the, um, preview."
"Hey, don't tell the others, ok? I want it to be a surprise," Orli asked, turning back to study his reflection in the mirror.
"Not a word," Liv promised as she let herself out. "They wouldn't believe me," she muttered to herself as the door closed behind her.
There was a loud crash from the kitchen, followed by an even louder, heartfelt, "FUCK!" from Dom.
Elijah stuck his head in the kitchen to see what had broken. Two six-packs of beer had apparently made it safely to the counter before one of two bags had slipped out from under Dom's arms. Bags of cheese puffs and corn chips and a jar of salsa had survived the trauma. An industrial-sized container of Vaseline had opened but luckily not broken, and half the contents had spattered across the floor.
"Is that...Vaseline?" Elijah asked, incredulous.
"Um..." Dom answered, avoiding eye contact.
Elijah help up one hand. "No. Stop. I don't want to know. Just clean it up before someone slips and falls."
"'Lij! I bought it because I wanted to dye my hair for tonight," Dom said frantically.
"La la la, I'm not listening to you," Lij said, clapping his hands over his ears.
"But..." Dom took a step forward, but Elijah made a hasty exit.
"Just clean that shit up!" he called over his shoulder.
"Shite," Dom muttered. He grabbed some paper towels and started wiping, hoping that he wouldn't have to spend too much time at it.
The party was in full swing when Elijah gave Liv a nudge.
"Have you seen Orli?" he yelled over the music. "Or Viggo?"
"No!" Liv shouted back, "But you know how they're always late to everything!"
Elijah said, "But Orli promised me that he'd do a simple costume."
Liv bit her lip, trying to squelch the image of Orli in Lycra out of her head. "Um...he did. Maybe he decided to shop for something fancy to drink."
"Figures," Elijah said. The doorbell rang. "I bet that's our elf." He scurried over to the door and threw it open. Viggo was standing there, looking dashing in his Zorro costume.
"Nice cape, Vig!" Elijah said. "Couldn't ditch the sword, though, could ya?" he snickered, pointing at the rapier Viggo was sporting.
Viggo adjusted his mask and replied, "And would you be able to recognize me without it?" in a Spanish accent.
Elijah grinned. "Hmmm, lessee...well, you have the manly stubble, and you still have that slightly mental look in your eyes, so that would be a yes."
"And aren't you a bit short for a storm trooper?" Viggo replied, pointing to Elijah's costume.
"Shit, that line is *so* old," Elijah grumbled, his voice still a bit muffled through the full-face mask. "Everyone's been telling me that."
"Well, you can't say that you didn't invite it," Viggo said, walking in.
Philippa, dressed as a female hobbit, stumbled over with a glass of port in hand. "My God, don't you look ravishing," she said, swaying a bit as she talked.
"Ah...but nothing could compare to your beauty, my fine Shire senorita," Viggo purred.
"Well, then, how about a little kiss?" Philippa slurred, leaning in closer.
Viggo said uncomfortably, "Um...Philippa, you're really drunk." He was trying to prop her upright when her hand snaked around and grabbed his ass. Yelping in surprise, he jumped to the side, knocking the glass of port out of her loose grip and onto his costume.
"Fuck!" he growled. Although his outfit was black, it would get sticky once the port dried. He hastily handed Philippa off to Elijah and went into the kitchen to wash the alcohol out.
His foot slid on something near the sink. "What the fuck?" he muttered, not wanting to know what weird substance Elijah had dropped on the linoleum. Walking slowly, he made his way over to the sink and inspected his shirt.
The port had unfortunately spilled right onto his chest, which was impossible to stick under the faucet. Grumbling, Viggo pulled off his cape, then removed his shirt and started running the water over it. He was still rinsing the stain when he heard the doorbell ring again. The whole room suddenly burst out with "ORLI!" Viggo grinned; it figured that the elf would be the last one to arrive.
"Oi! What beast did you kill for *that* outfit?" Viggo heard Billy saying.
"ORLANDO?!! What in the world is that abomination?" he heard Ian say indignantly. "That *thing* is a crime against good taste."
"I don't know, I quite like it," countered Sean A. "He's a very pretty kitty. Turn around for us."
Someone Viggo didn't recognize hooted, "Nice tail." It was followed by a loud wolf-whistle.
"Cold out, eh, Orli?" Dom's voice called out. Everyone dissolved into laughter and Viggo shook his head, determined to deal with his clothing before he satisfied his curiosity. He was guessing that Orli had shown up as some demented, ruffled version of The Cat in the Hat.
"Glad you like the view, you cunts!" Orli called out. "Now, stop grabbing me there! I have to go chill this fine champagne."
The door opened and Viggo turned around. It took all of his acting ability to keep from staring.
Orlando was standing in the doorway in a bodysuit that was so tight that it was practically bonded onto his skin. It left nothing to the imagination, even revealing which side Orli dressed to. Viggo swallowed nervously, trying to unglue his eyes from Orli's crotch.
"Hey, old man! What are you doing skulking in the kitchen?" he asked. Fuck, Viggo was shirtless, wearing just a mask and trousers. It was eerily like that fantasy that he'd wanked off to the other night.
"Um..." Viggo said. He was trying to come up with a witty comment, but his mouth just wouldn't work.
"Cat got your tongue?" Orli said mischievously. He walked over to the refrigerator and rummaged about, bending over at the hips. "Christ, there's never any room in here," he muttered, oblivious to the fact that every curve and crevice ofhis very firm ass was nicely displayed.
Viggo's jaw was now hanging open. He cursed the fact that the tail was obscuring his view. He watched the round cheeks shift around, and he was still gaping when he noticed that Orlando was standing up. Needing to regain his composure, he became incredibly interested in rubbing a non-existent stain off one of his buttons.
He heard Orlando coming closer. "You didn't answer my question, smelly hu...WHOA SHIT!" Viggo quickly looked up and saw that Orlando had lost his footing. He grabbed at his sliding castmate, catching Orlando firmly in his arms.
Viggo felt a jolt of electricity at the contact. Their lips were a hair's breadth apart and Orlando's wide brown eyes looked deep into his own.
"Um..." Orlando said. His tongue darted out, nervously licking his lips.
Unable to resist the temptation, Viggo touched their lips together, moaning as he felt Orlando's soft mouth open. He plunged his tongue in, his cock hardening as he felt Orlando responding eagerly to him.
As Viggo's tongue retreated, Orli pursued it, arching his body into Viggo, purring and rubbing against him like the cat he was dressed as. The Lycra might as well have been nonexistent; it felt like Orli was completely naked in his arms. Tingles shot through them both at the taste of each other, finally, after so many months of flirting.
Eventually the need for breath made Orli pull his mouth away, body still entwined with Viggo's. "Holy fuck," he gasped, blinking for a minute. Then he grinned and batted his eyes melodramatically, sighing, "My hero," while rubbing their groins together.
"My kitty in distress," Viggo said in his Zorro accent.
Viggo's hands slid down from Orli's waist to squeeze his succulent ass. He groaned when Orli slung a leg around his hips and started grinding into him; Orlando's hands caressed Viggo's naked chest, raking his fingertips through the light dusting of hair, stroking each thumb across Viggo's nipples. Head spinning out of control, Viggo picked Orlando up and deposited him on the edge of a kitchen counter, hands sliding around to cup Orli's evident arousal through the Lycra.
"Fuck, man, I thought you'd never do this," Orlando groaned as he arched into Viggo's hands. He quickly pulled off the sash Viggo was wearing and fumbled with the pants, only succeeding in unzipping them. He was totally hard now, and could feel moisture gathering on his cock.
"Shit, wait a second, though. This thing isn't washable, it's *airbrushed*." He pulled away and pouted for a moment, as Viggo's other hand skated down the slippery surface to massage his balls. "Wait! Help me get this off," he demanded.
"I have a better idea," Viggo rasped, stepping back. His hand blurred as he pulled out his sword and quickly slashed it through the air. As he paused to sheath the blade, Orli's costume fell down around his ankles, cut into neat ribbons. Viggo smirked.
Orli's jaw dropped and for once in the history of the world, he was shocked into silence. Anticipating a barrage of whining, Viggo captured Orlando's lips again, kissing him senseless while he opened a cabinet to find some oil.
His fingers brushed across a bottle and Viggo pulled it out. From the corner of his eye, he saw that it was olive oil infused with chili peppers -- completely unsuitable for his purposes. He reached into the cabinet again, searching. His eyebrows shot up when he felt a familiar tube. Thinking that he was imagining things, he pulled it out.
Orlando had finally noticed Viggo's distraction, when the hand on his cock had stopped and Viggo's tongue had stopped exploring his mouth quite so hungrily.
"Isn't that a tube of KY?" he said, pulling back. "Bugger, it is! 'Lij must've nicked it from make-up!"
Viggo grinned and replied, "Never thought I'd actually be happy that they decided to use it for Aragorn."
Orli crinkled his nose. "Ew, you're going to use ranger sweat on my arse?"
Viggo squeezed the gel onto his fingers and said, "Didn't anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?" He pushed a slick digit into Orlando as he spoke.
"N-no..." Orlando gasped. Any further words faded off into a breathy moan as Viggo stroked him inside. He pushed down eagerly, parting his legs further. That Zorro costume had him so hot and bothered, he didn't are if the while cast and crew came in to watch.
"You're ready," Viggo growled, removing his finger and reaching into his pants pocket for a condom. He tore the wrapper open and quickly rolled the latex onto his twitching cock. Viggo slathered more lube onto himself and pulled Orli's butt to the edge of the counter, nudging his shaft at the tiny entrance.
"Please," Orlando said, fully ready to beg for as long as Viggo wanted him to. He hissed as Viggo pushed in, moaning as he was filled, loving the delicious burn.
"Damn, you're so tight," Viggo said in a low voice. He pulled Orlando against him, bracing his arms so that he could bury himself deeper in the willing body underneath him.
Orlando whimpered, twining his legs around Viggo's waist. "More," he breathed. "Let me feel it."
"As you wish," Viggo replied. He started thrusting quickly, pistoning his hips as he plunged into the tight channel.
"YES!" Orlando cried out, writhing and digging his fingers into Viggo's arms. Viggo sealed their mouths together, plunging his tongue in time with his strokes, keeping up the brutal pace until Orlando was quivering with need.
Reaching between them, Viggo grabbed Orli's dripping cock. As he pumped the hard flesh, he resumed his Spanish accent and purred, "Come for me, pretty one."
It was too much for Orlando. The mask... Viggo's shirtless body relentlessly driving into him, pounding into him over and over... his sexy as hell voice commanding him with an exotic accent... Orlando screamed, arching back as he climaxed, coating Viggo's fingers with his release. Viggo gasped as he felt Orlando's internal muscles spasming around him, and he slammed in one more time, throwing back his head and roaring as he came.
He slumped down, dizzily touching his forehead to Orli's. They just sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the buzz.
"I need to take care of the condom," Viggo finally said. Orli nodded and he reluctantly pulled out. While Orlando was cleaning himself off with some paper towels, he removed the latex sheath and disposed of it in the kitchen trash. Viggo then tucked his cock back in and zipped up his fly.
"Fuck! My costume is completely ruined," Orlando whined. "You shredded it, and I've got whatever shit was on the floor on the bottom of my slippers." He indicated his poofy, furry, cheetah-patterned footwear.
Viggo held Orli's ankle in his hand and looked closely. "I don't see anything..." he ran a finger along the surface. "Feels like...Vaseline."
Orlando rolled his eyes. "I *so* don't want to know why 'Lij has KY *and* Vaseline in his kitchen."
Viggo picked up his cape and gallantly draped it over Orli's shoulders. "Come on, I'll drive you home. We can leave out the back door."
Orli hopped off the counter. "All right, but you owe me another shag for that, old man."
"Of course, my little saucy little kitty," Viggo smirked.
"Christ, and take off the sword next time!"
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-05 09:15 am (UTC)That is just hysterical! But are you ever going to tell us why the KY was in the kitchen?
no subject
Date: 2004-04-05 04:04 pm (UTC)Um... I think don't think Elijah would appreciate having his secrets divulged. Let's just say that he needed it for an experiment, and leave it at that. ;)