salixbabylon | Fic: The Right Fit (1/3)

Title: The Right Fit
Author:

salixbabylon
Email: salixbabylon@yahoo.com
Word Count: 5480
Pairing: OB/VM
Rating: NC-17
Archiving: My site, Aniron, CIB, Mirrormere, and others upon request ONLY.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Disclaimer: Complete fiction. I am implying nothing about the real sexual preferences of the actors herein. Absolutely no disrespect is meant to them.

Summary: Orlando feels like his body doesn't belong to him anymore.

Thank yous: To

heartofslash for her brilliant-goddess-betaing, and to

willowwing for letting me bounce ideas around one night. And to Cindy Lou, always.

The Right Fit

He doesn't like them really, doesn't like the way these muscles look. Doesn't like how they feel. Skin stretched tight. It hurt making them, of course, building them up. Too many hours in the gym. They feel like a costume, like something he's wearing just for a role and of course that's exactly what they are; things he built up to get certain roles, and in certain roles. And one those roles just happens to be 'movie star.'

He hears the fans like the muscles, that they went nuts over his chest in the scenes in "Troy," and they're already going crazy over it in the scene in "Kingdom of Heaven," at least the bits that are out in the trailers so far. And he thinks it's weird because it's not him, it's not part of him, it doesn't even look like him.

Not that he liked being skinny, really; who would want to be skinny all the time? But that was more what he was, it was more *him*, it fit better. Better than this, these muscles that feel bulky and too firm and make his chest look strange and made him go up a shirt size, across the *chest* -- how fucking weird is that?

And when he looks in the mirror after a shower and sees himself from the waist up, with his long, straightened hair, he sees someone wearing a costume for a role called 'movie star' and even though it's not a role that's going to be filmed, it's certainly going to be taped and photographed plenty.

He didn't like being skinny, but then again, that got him parts, right? I mean, even if he had been this bulky, he probably wouldn't have gotten the role of Faramir, because Peter thought he was too young. And now he admits that if someone Dave's age was what Pete wanted, then yes, Orlando was too young. But if he hadn't been skinny, he would never have been considered for an elf. And then who knows where his career would be now. Probably not anywhere near where it is, what it has become: a role unto itself.

But when he thinks about it, he really hates how he looks. So much has changed so quickly; the last few years have flashed by. The muscles don't fit him any more than the mohawk did, and it feels equally strange, like he's trying to be something he isn't. Only now the man he's trying to be has straight hair and defined pecs instead of a boy with a mohawk and stupid shirts that made people laugh so they wouldn't notice how nervous he was, so they wouldn't laugh at his acting, but at how silly he looked. And so they wouldn't call him beautiful, which frankly gets on his fucking nerves. He knows he's attractive, yeah, I mean, after this many magazine covers, it would be stupid to say he's not.

But it just doesn't fit well, this new image, with the muscles and the straight hair and getting older. Sure, everyone gets older, but so much has happened over the last couple of years and it's all just gone by too fast to be real. He isn't sure he wants to be the Orlando that he's become. The one who's famous, the one who can't even take his dog out for a walk without having stalkerazzi right outside the gate, filming and photographing him opening the door to get inside. And that's on days when they're polite and he pretends they're not there and ignores them and they let him.

He just doesn't know how everyone else can do it; it's already driving him crazy. And he's nowhere near as big as his agent wants him to be. She thinks he could be the next Brad Pitt. He doesn't want to be the next Brad Pitt. He wouldn't mind being as famous as, say, Sean Bean, and he definitely doesn't want to be as obscure as Viggo was before "Rings" pushed him into the spotlight, but he just doesn't know how to be who he is.

Or what he wants to be...

Sean just seems like he grew into it slowly, and that was good because he was kind of obscure for a long time and then was Sharpe, but he could travel out of Britain and not be recognized, not be stalked. But it's just getting ridiculous for Orlando and it makes something in him panic, and he's got all these newly-made muscles and too much energy and every now and then he just wants to punch somebody. He knows he can't, that that would just make everything five times worse than anything else that could happen. But still, it's all so fucking frustrating; it feels like he's constantly wearing a costume, like he fucking altered himself, altered his whole fucking body for them, and he doesn't like it and doesn't know what to do about it.

And he knows Sean's never done anything like that, changed for them; that's just who he was, how he has always been built... And Pitt, well, several years ago he went through a stage of looking pretty scruffy and ugly and unwashed, trying to make the paparazzi go away. It worked pretty well, kind of, only not because there were still enough pictures of him that even Orlando had seen them, right? And god knows he certainly never was the sort to read celebrity mags. So no, it didn't work, or at least not well enough... And Viggo, well, he manages to cope with it by just refusing to even be in the limelight, and still gets pretty good roles. As many as he wants, at any rate.

Orlando wonders what Viggo is up to these days, what Viggo would say if he heard all this rambling. Probably anyone would think that he was just the most ungrateful little brat ever, and that's not true; he is grateful, but he's frustrated, too.

Viggo... What's Viggo doing now, anyway? Orlando thinks he heard Viggo was somewhere on location, wonders if it's anywhere nearby. Or maybe he's back now... Thinks about all those rumors of the two of them shagging. He always thought they were kind of funny, but then again, he also always kind of wished they were true. He knows Viggo knew about them, since the Hobbits loved to bring them up when they were all together. And Viggo always just laughed, and after a beat Orlando would laugh too. Viggo would smile his crazy smile and say something about not being good enough for this prissy elf, yet, or some crazy shit like that... Orlando was the one who was never good enough for Viggo, of course...

Not that he'd really even tried.

That was another thing he wasn't anymore; he used to be bisexual. Now it's just girls. Just girls who are too thin and slightly whiney and want him to be something he isn't, namely the next Brad Pitt. Or Colin Farrell or someone else. And he isn't. He feels so... *trapped*. And he doesn't know what to do.

He has a break right before shooting for the "Pirates" sequels start for him, two weeks when they don't need him. He has to get out. Where can he go? He can go anywhere in the world he wants, which is a pretty bloody crazy thought that he still hasn't totally gotten used to. He's traveled fucking everywhere for film stuff, places he'd never thought he'd ever go to when he was a kid. As a student actor he'd always thought he'd mostly do theater; that would teach him to think.

And the friends he used to have in London have pretty much all drifted away at this point; there isn't anyone he even knows well anymore that he hasn't worked on a movie with. There isn't anyone who feels like family, and his actual family feels so far away. The people who felt like family, well, the closest he's gotten to that in recent years was the "Rings" crew... He could go see Bean in London, but that wouldn't be restful at all. 'Lijah and Karl are here in LA; Johnny and Keira will be busy with the film.

But now he feels like the distant cousin who went way to university and doesn't write or phone very often. He knows the others would still love him, but he also knows there will be some resentment that he's done so well, and many of them haven't. Or at least, that's what he thinks; he doesn't really talk to them enough to be sure.

Bean he gets on with splendidly, but London wasn't going to be a relaxing scene. So no... Thinking of Bean reminds him of Bana, who is great too, definitely treats him like he really is a younger brother, but he's married and has kids... And the person Orlando really wants to see is Viggo.

The one person he doesn't think would want to see him.

So he phones Sean in London, figuring one single man to another would be better because Eric's just too married and full of kids these days. He talks to Bean for a while, broaches the subject of coming to visit him in London. Bean says he's welcome to, but Sean's going to be busy doing a spot for the BBC. They talk a bit more, Bean suggesting different places to go, all of which are too public, too many possible fans watching him, for the escape that Orlando wants. Finally Sean suggests he call Viggo, if he really wants to get away from everything. Reminds Orlando about the ranch out in Idaho. Orlando thanks him for the suggestion and rings off.

After a few hours of fretting and trying to figure out what to say, he gives Viggo a ring, with nothing at all scripted in his mind.

Viggo is distant and unfocused, but not any more so than what Orlando remembers to be usual. Viggo invites him to the ranch as soon as he hears how tired he is, that he's been working non-stop, and that he has a break coming up.

Viggo's like that though; it doesn't mean anything special. He'd do that for any friend who was stressed out and overwhelmed and tired. "My retreat," Viggo calls it; "Come to my retreat." Orlando definitely feels like retreating these days, not advancing, not moving forward.

So he agrees, somehow lets Viggo talk him into doing it *right now*, then calls his assistant, and now he has nine hours to pack up what he wants to take with him and get to the airport. Apparently Viggo will meet him there and they can fly out together.

***Part 2***