insanity for sarka

[salixbabylon]

So my lovely friend sarka had a very productive day and I decided she needed a reward. Only this was before I had my morning cup of tea.

And this is what happened - chatfic:

salixbabylon: once upon a time there was a young man named Jack
salixbabylon: with a very nice coat
salixbabylon: and a spaceship
salixbabylon: which he borrowed without asking so it wasn't really his
salixbabylon: anyway he flew from his planet to earth, which seemed pretty because of all the water
salixbabylon: and he landed in wales, which seems odd, but you have to land somewhere, so why not wales?
salixbabylon: anyway
salixbabylon: he was occasionally very cranky and always very sexy. and also kind of immortal.
salixbabylon: at work one day he met another young man named Ianto
salixbabylon: who was always wearing a three-piece suit and looking very prim and proper and tidy
salixbabylon: and that made Jack just want to get him messy and dirty, in the best ways
salixbabylon: Ianto rarely objected
salixbabylon: sometimes he even left the tie on, just for Jack, who used it to push and pull him around in bed
salixbabylon: not that they did it in bed very often - usually a desk or wall or counter or the floor would suffice
salixbabylon: one day something extraordinary happened
salixbabylon: not aliens or apocalypse, because that was pretty damned ordinary
salixbabylon: but this was big
salixbabylon: Jack asked Ianto out for a date
salixbabylon: showed up at his door with flowers
salixbabylon: which was a little bit gay, but hey, everyone likes flowers
salixbabylon: plus they were lilies and everyone know how phallic lilies are
salixbabylon: anyway, they went out to a swanky restaurant
salixbabylon: and Jack was all cleaned up in nice clothes
salixbabylon: and Ianto was in his usual suit, because he knew how that turned Jack on
salixbabylon: and then over dessert, Jack slid onto the floor
salixbabylon: and knelt next to Ianto's chair
salixbabylon: and asked him to marry him
salixbabylon: with a ring and everything
salixbabylon: a manly ring. but still.
salixbabylon: and Ianto said "um, we can't get married. this is England."
salixbabylon: and Jack said he didn't care, they could just have a commitment ceremony or whatever
salixbabylon: and Ianto said ok
salixbabylon: and Jack said "but no kids, because this isn't *that* kind of ficlet."
salixbabylon: and Ianto agreed because that would really cut down on all the hot kinky dirty sex
salixbabylon: so they want back to Ianto's flat
salixbabylon: and had sex in the bed with the lights out, missionary position, with Ianto on the bottom
salixbabylon: pretending to be married
salixbabylon: and after they both came
salixbabylon: which took a long time because the sex was a lot less intense than usual
salixbabylon: Ianto took off the ring and gave it back to Jack and said he'd changed his mind
salixbabylon: if that was what married life was like
salixbabylon: and jack agreed because *wow* was the sex boring now that they were engaged
salixbabylon: so Ianto went to take a shower to clean up
salixbabylon: and when Jack joined him, Ianto decided that enough was enough
salixbabylon: and shoved Jack up against the shower wall
salixbabylon: kicked his feet apart
salixbabylon: slicked them both up with conditioner
salixbabylon: pressed Jack's wrists hard against the tile
salixbabylon: and fucked him good and hard
salixbabylon: very much NOT the proper and dutiful wife
salixbabylon: and they lived happily ever after
salixbabylon: the end

(I think this might count as punishment, rather than a reward, actually.)

Happy Friday!

Comments

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

ROLMAO.

But: "and Ianto said "um, we can't get married. this is England."

This is...Britain? ;) Ianto's a good Welsh boy, he'd never affiliate himself with England!

this: "but no kids, because this isn't *that* kind of ficlet."

Thank goodness! I like the occasional baby fic but only if it is unexpected and freaks them the fuck out and causes drama and difficulty, because, really.

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Oh crap - you're totally right. :( That's what I get for writing before caffeine.

Glad you liked the rest of the cracky goodness!

[zooniverse.livejournal.com]

this = win


...but blokes can sort of get married in both england and wales. John Barrowman himself has a husband.

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Ack! Wrong on two counts - I suck. :(

Ah well - it's just cracky humor for my f-list. I'm thrilled to hear gay couples in the UK can get married though - yay!

[sarka.livejournal.com]

NONO, it was definitely a reward! I was laughing hysterically and trying to stop because! Lecturer! In the room!

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

*snort* Anything to amuse you, love.

[hammil77.livejournal.com]

*LOL*

and jack agreed because *wow* was the sex boring now that they were engaged
That killed me. :P Those kind of fics can be rather predictable. I much prefer yours with an aggressive Ianto who initiates shower sex. :P

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it. I have no idea what the heck I was thinking when I wrote that. ;)

[jackieville.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Love it!!!

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[elfscribe5.livejournal.com]

LOL! What a fine Jack/Ianto story!

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Utter crack is always a lot of fun to write. ;)