whiny thursday

[salixbabylon]

1) The one class I finished, I only got a B in because the teacher thinks I didn't do the javascript part. But I did! Not only did I do it, but I got help from a friend who -teaches- javascript. So I emailed her back and tried to not grovel. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't care. It's not like a B is horrible, or like it really matters in the long run. It's just frustrating.

2) Apparently there is only one crematorium in two counties - which seems absurd to me. So my aunt has been on ice since last Saturday, and won't be cremated until this Saturday. In my town. Two hours away from where she lived. Dumb.

3) My mother is spending two days driving to CA from AZ, and two days driving back, but can't possibly spend more than one day here, the day of the actual funeral, but maybe we could have dinner, if she's not too tired. I haven't seen her in person in over a year and I invited her to stay with me. She'd rather stay in a hotel - fine, I'd rather she not stay with me, to be honest, since I don't like my stepfather. But she doesn't seem to want to visit, and I should be used to that by now, but it still hurts. Stupid of me really, but then feelings often are.

4) Neither my mother nor I, have talked to my grandmother about her sister dying, because we're both afraid she will just be really cold about it, and that will hurt both of us to hear her not care. (Great Aunt and Grandma had some huge fight about 20 years ago and haven't talked since then.) And yet my mother doesn't see the parallel between how she fails-to-react and is emotionally cold. *sigh*

5) Had, not a fight, but an awful angsty scene with my husband last night. How can someone who knows you so well still sometimes totally fail to know what's going on in your head? I know, it's not fair to expect him to be a mind reader. I just seem to keep hoping, like an idiot.

6) It's COLD. I know, the rest of the world laughs at my frustration at having to scrape actual frost off my car windows in the morning, but I'm cold and I can't get warm and the stupid single-paned windows let in so much cold air whine whine whine whine.

7) I haven't been working on my paper. I suck. I just can't seem to make myself do it. Every day I tell myself "today I will do it" and every day I think of a million other things I could do instead.

8) I'm so frustrated that my husband doesn't seem to be looking for a job. Yeah, he's doing some part-time work for another couple of months, and it's money, and that's good, but I want him to have something reliable, with actual benefits. And I know the economy is bad, but... Argh. And I can't nag him and can't help him and I hate feeling so helpless about it.

9) Every time I have an urge to work on EE4 or VS-sequel, I realize I'm just too damned depressed to write anything that's not filled with whiny adolescent angst...

When does angst stop being adolescent, anyway? Is there adult angst? Do I have that now?

10) All I want to do is sleep lately, hide in the dark, warm bed, and avoid everything. I've been about half an hour late to work every day this week and I'm just so tired... It's a few days too early for PMS, but I suppose I could use it as an excuse anyway...

Blech. I hate being so whiny. I hope no one read this. And I hope writing it all down will help it stop circling around my head like hungry, angry crows.

Blech.