November musing...

[salixbabylon]

It's funny when things all come together. Yesterday I was driving and listening to the radio and feeling so very very restless. That undirected urge to do something, ANYTHING. The "I am not happy, how about if I try XYZ" urge. But not having any idea what XYZ will be, this time.

And then I thought about how much it would suck if I felt this unsatisfied itch for the rest of my life. I've felt it for as long as I can remember, and I'm still not getting it - whatever "it" is.

Today I'm reading a story which had the following line in it:

“So much anger in you,” Ylnam said quietly. “So much wishing and wanting and craving. So much dissatisfaction. Do you plan to be this way all the time?”

Do I? Do I want to be this unsatisfied person my whole life? No. I know I have a good life, lots to be thankful for, nothing in particular out of reach. Just general malaise. Wouldn't it suck to feel that way for the rest of my life?

Maybe it's less about changing XYZ in my life and more about changing ABC in my head.

Comments

[phytha.livejournal.com]

I so know how you feel. There's the urge to do something, something good, something interresting, something extraordinary and you just don't know what it should be, because there isn't anything to do, at least nothing you want to do just now. I think it's ok to have this feeling once in a time and look for something to make your life richer and better or so, otherwise you'd cease to develope yourself. But if it happens too often it just sucks. You are so right, if you are principially dissatisfied and crasving what you can't have the only thing to do is change whats iin yoour head and just look at all the good, the interresting, the great things you have got. No easy task, when the urge starts to torture you again, but quite sdome interresting experience, just what you want to have*GG*. I know, I'm babbling, but you just wrote something I have to deal with myself and at such times I always start to babble, so please forgive me.

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Yes - exactly. The urge to be "extraordinary" is good when it motivates me, but bad when it just makes me malcontent. Right now, there isn't anything huge to change my life - good partner, good house, decent job - so the only thing to change is me. :)