November musing...

[salixbabylon]

It's funny when things all come together. Yesterday I was driving and listening to the radio and feeling so very very restless. That undirected urge to do something, ANYTHING. The "I am not happy, how about if I try XYZ" urge. But not having any idea what XYZ will be, this time.

And then I thought about how much it would suck if I felt this unsatisfied itch for the rest of my life. I've felt it for as long as I can remember, and I'm still not getting it - whatever "it" is.

Today I'm reading a story which had the following line in it:

“So much anger in you,” Ylnam said quietly. “So much wishing and wanting and craving. So much dissatisfaction. Do you plan to be this way all the time?”

Do I? Do I want to be this unsatisfied person my whole life? No. I know I have a good life, lots to be thankful for, nothing in particular out of reach. Just general malaise. Wouldn't it suck to feel that way for the rest of my life?

Maybe it's less about changing XYZ in my life and more about changing ABC in my head.

Comments

[nverland]

Transitions are so hard. Some of us go through them a time or two and *poof* that's it. And others of us have to do ti a few more times. Love you, wish it was easier or that I could make it that way

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

I think I *make* it hard. Maybe my next task in this life is to learn how to stop doing that when it isn't necessary. I'm going in the right direction - perhaps I simply need patience...

*tight hugs*

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

Let me answer this with another quote from a Due South story:

Stop, he admonished it. His heart always wanted more. Always. His heart
never listened to his head. Perhaps he could learn not to want so much. Perhaps that could be taught.

I don't really think so. And this... melancholic wanting of something... doesn't have to be a bad thing. *hugs you tight*

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

I think it's when the wanting leaves me unable to enjoy the thigns I have, that it becomes a problem. A month of gratitude is helping me readjust my perspective. :)

[phytha.livejournal.com]

I so know how you feel. There's the urge to do something, something good, something interresting, something extraordinary and you just don't know what it should be, because there isn't anything to do, at least nothing you want to do just now. I think it's ok to have this feeling once in a time and look for something to make your life richer and better or so, otherwise you'd cease to develope yourself. But if it happens too often it just sucks. You are so right, if you are principially dissatisfied and crasving what you can't have the only thing to do is change whats iin yoour head and just look at all the good, the interresting, the great things you have got. No easy task, when the urge starts to torture you again, but quite sdome interresting experience, just what you want to have*GG*. I know, I'm babbling, but you just wrote something I have to deal with myself and at such times I always start to babble, so please forgive me.

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Yes - exactly. The urge to be "extraordinary" is good when it motivates me, but bad when it just makes me malcontent. Right now, there isn't anything huge to change my life - good partner, good house, decent job - so the only thing to change is me. :)

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

And then I thought about how much it would suck if I felt this unsatisfied itch for the rest of my life. I've felt it for as long as I can remember, and I'm still not getting it - whatever "it" is.

YES, oh my goodness, yes. You could have pulled that right out of my head.

I think perhaps it's a bit about changing things in your life (I think dissatisfaction can spur us on in a good way) but also changing things in your head too. I think it's difficult to try and turn negatives into positives but we're all just trying to find our way, right? Sorry, I have completely lost my train of thought, but I am sending you love and *big hugs*

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

*smooches* Sometimes making big sweeping changes and starting over is the best choice. Sometimes, it's probably better to sit back and enjoy the path I'm on, because I have no clue what I might find if I go wandering off...

But sometimes I'm prone to wander...

[andolinn.livejournal.com]

*glomps you*

Well I agree that the ABC thing would help.

And that the dissatisfied thing sucks.

But it does keep you trying new things... And trying to improve.

Good luck, dear.

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

I'm doing a daily thanksfulness post to my FB and it is helping me focus on all the amazing things I have in my life. Sometimes, all I need is just a simple refocusing. ;)