it's all about me
Aug. 18th, 2011 02:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
salixbabylonI try not to be all depressing and whiny in my LJ, which is why I haven't been posting much lately other than the naked guys on Fridays. I'm going to try to change that though, so you might wanna just de-friend me now...
And frankly, speaking of friending/de-: I'm cool with people who add me just because they want access to f-locked stories. I'm cool with lurkers - I don't comment much on other people's LJs, especially "new friends" myself. But I have to admit that it bums me out when someone friends me and then defriends me without a word. I get that you wanted to read the story and didn't want to stick around after. But a comment saying you read it might take the sting away a little.
I know I'm being oversensitive. Sometimes I am needy and emo.
I am still having a really hard time about Oswald being gone. It's the little things that get me, like coming home to an empty house, or food that falls to the floor and doesn't get eaten up. Throwing away leftovers that would have gone in the doggie disposal. Realizing I haven't watered the plants outside because I haven't been out to throw balls for him to fetch.
I know there will be another dog someday. But right now I feel so ... sad. There are no words for how sad I feel, knowing I'll never see him again.
I have cried mroe this year than I think I have in the last 20...
I went "home" for the weekend for my grandmother's bday. This is my mom's mom, and since my mom's death, she's lost about 30lbs and is looking very frail. She's 87, so I guess that's to be expected. My dad, who cares for her, is also having some health problems. And my dad's dog was a bit older than my Oswald - so over 14, and he's on his way out as well.
I know everything that lives will die. I know it's natural, part of the circle. It just feels like it's all happening right now, and it's devastating to see vibrant people and pets grow old and die. I don't know how much more I can handle.
I can't write. I want to, I badly wanted to finish my novel by the end of October - which is when I started it last year. But I have 6-7 chapters left, 30k words, and Rodney's patter is too upbeat and witty and I am too down and too slow-witted to keep up with him.
I feel like I missed the boat on Inception, which seemed like a fantastic fandom... but my mom died and I wanted comfort-fic, and I think I missed it.
I want to write, but I feel stuck. And to be perfectly honest and vulnerable, having dozens of people ask for access to stories and then leave without a word, kind of hurts. I feel very demotivated.
Woe unto me. It could be much worse, I know.
Okay, that's enough self-pity. Some good things...
1) Trip to SF tomorrow to see the deadly plants exhibit at the conservatory of flowers.
2) Achieved first weight-loss goal. 3 more lbs and I get purple boots!
3) Peaches and cucumbers are in season and abundant.
4) Cool summer weather = hardly any 100-degree days so far. *knocks wood*
5) Grandma liked the socks I crocheted for her bday. Yes, even at nearly 40, it still feels good to have your grandma be proud of your accomplishments.
And frankly, speaking of friending/de-: I'm cool with people who add me just because they want access to f-locked stories. I'm cool with lurkers - I don't comment much on other people's LJs, especially "new friends" myself. But I have to admit that it bums me out when someone friends me and then defriends me without a word. I get that you wanted to read the story and didn't want to stick around after. But a comment saying you read it might take the sting away a little.
I know I'm being oversensitive. Sometimes I am needy and emo.
I am still having a really hard time about Oswald being gone. It's the little things that get me, like coming home to an empty house, or food that falls to the floor and doesn't get eaten up. Throwing away leftovers that would have gone in the doggie disposal. Realizing I haven't watered the plants outside because I haven't been out to throw balls for him to fetch.
I know there will be another dog someday. But right now I feel so ... sad. There are no words for how sad I feel, knowing I'll never see him again.
I have cried mroe this year than I think I have in the last 20...
I went "home" for the weekend for my grandmother's bday. This is my mom's mom, and since my mom's death, she's lost about 30lbs and is looking very frail. She's 87, so I guess that's to be expected. My dad, who cares for her, is also having some health problems. And my dad's dog was a bit older than my Oswald - so over 14, and he's on his way out as well.
I know everything that lives will die. I know it's natural, part of the circle. It just feels like it's all happening right now, and it's devastating to see vibrant people and pets grow old and die. I don't know how much more I can handle.
I can't write. I want to, I badly wanted to finish my novel by the end of October - which is when I started it last year. But I have 6-7 chapters left, 30k words, and Rodney's patter is too upbeat and witty and I am too down and too slow-witted to keep up with him.
I feel like I missed the boat on Inception, which seemed like a fantastic fandom... but my mom died and I wanted comfort-fic, and I think I missed it.
I want to write, but I feel stuck. And to be perfectly honest and vulnerable, having dozens of people ask for access to stories and then leave without a word, kind of hurts. I feel very demotivated.
Woe unto me. It could be much worse, I know.
Okay, that's enough self-pity. Some good things...
1) Trip to SF tomorrow to see the deadly plants exhibit at the conservatory of flowers.
2) Achieved first weight-loss goal. 3 more lbs and I get purple boots!
3) Peaches and cucumbers are in season and abundant.
4) Cool summer weather = hardly any 100-degree days so far. *knocks wood*
5) Grandma liked the socks I crocheted for her bday. Yes, even at nearly 40, it still feels good to have your grandma be proud of your accomplishments.
