State of the Me
Mar. 11th, 2012 04:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
salixbabylonI had this weird moment last night where I realized I had relaxed. For the first time in... three weeks maybe? No exaggerating either. I was almost giddy with the feeling of looseness in my body.
Nothing catastrophic happened. I had a semi-work-related trip in early February, and came back home to being a bit behind with work, and a looming deadline for the anthology. For some reason my psyche decided that this also would be a fabulous time to be emo about the possibility of getting a new-to-us dog soon, so my emotions were all over the place and I was pretty stressed out.
Then there was some last-minute chaos with the anthology, that turned into two 12-hour days and the diversion of something that would have been a disaster if the relevant people hadn't stepped up and been awesome (me included). Luckily, they/we were awesome.
Then some utter crap happened with work, and that was pretty bad but I'm not going to discuss it here. Any week I have to email and spend time on the phone with legal counsel is not a good week, we will simply say. And even though the shitstorm was not focused anywhere near me personally, I had inadvertently added some fuel to the fire, I felt truly awful about it. So there were some anxiety attacks.
Basically, all my emotions have been turned up to 11 since mid-February. Only not the good ones. And I have a habit-pattern of doing this really unhelpful thing where I *think* that by getting super clenched and anal-retentive, I can exert a modicum of control over the situation. But even if that works (which it usually doesn't, because I'm not stupid enough to fall for such blatant lies), it doesn't change the circumstances in any way other than by increasing my upset feelings and making my to-do list longer and making me feel more overwhelmed.
But that was then. Now is now. I have been dancing. And I've actually lost a tiny tiny bit of weight. And I've been going outside and telling my daffodils how pretty they are (they're so vain). And my in-laws visited and we had delicious food and they stayed at a hotel (yay), and we went to a goat farm and held baby goats and made cheese. (Harley Goat Farms)
And I'm working on a silly crafty project with a friend (pics coming soon). And I've been writing a little bit, but mostly doing research and then writing out-of-context kinky porn. And I go to New York city in 10 days. And I'll be "teaching" a belly dance class, and doing a kinky-toys demo for a bunch of authors.
So things are getting better. :)
Nothing catastrophic happened. I had a semi-work-related trip in early February, and came back home to being a bit behind with work, and a looming deadline for the anthology. For some reason my psyche decided that this also would be a fabulous time to be emo about the possibility of getting a new-to-us dog soon, so my emotions were all over the place and I was pretty stressed out.
Then there was some last-minute chaos with the anthology, that turned into two 12-hour days and the diversion of something that would have been a disaster if the relevant people hadn't stepped up and been awesome (me included). Luckily, they/we were awesome.
Then some utter crap happened with work, and that was pretty bad but I'm not going to discuss it here. Any week I have to email and spend time on the phone with legal counsel is not a good week, we will simply say. And even though the shitstorm was not focused anywhere near me personally, I had inadvertently added some fuel to the fire, I felt truly awful about it. So there were some anxiety attacks.
Basically, all my emotions have been turned up to 11 since mid-February. Only not the good ones. And I have a habit-pattern of doing this really unhelpful thing where I *think* that by getting super clenched and anal-retentive, I can exert a modicum of control over the situation. But even if that works (which it usually doesn't, because I'm not stupid enough to fall for such blatant lies), it doesn't change the circumstances in any way other than by increasing my upset feelings and making my to-do list longer and making me feel more overwhelmed.
But that was then. Now is now. I have been dancing. And I've actually lost a tiny tiny bit of weight. And I've been going outside and telling my daffodils how pretty they are (they're so vain). And my in-laws visited and we had delicious food and they stayed at a hotel (yay), and we went to a goat farm and held baby goats and made cheese. (Harley Goat Farms)
And I'm working on a silly crafty project with a friend (pics coming soon). And I've been writing a little bit, but mostly doing research and then writing out-of-context kinky porn. And I go to New York city in 10 days. And I'll be "teaching" a belly dance class, and doing a kinky-toys demo for a bunch of authors.
So things are getting better. :)
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Date: 2012-03-13 04:58 am (UTC)OMG! The goat farm looks fantastic! What a great day! I've subscribed to their feed and I'll have to get down there sometime. Bring the
Christian MythologyGodchildren with me.Although probably not hubby as he has declared, "Goats are evil!" (Probably got uppity with one in the petting zoo and was soundly put in his place.)
Have a great time in New York!
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Date: 2012-03-14 08:56 pm (UTC)