guilt

[salixbabylon]

I know this is dumb, but I keep thinking it, so I thought maybe if I wrote it down I could let it go.

My reallyreally good friend (college roommate, person I've probably known longest, ever) has been struggling with depression and some other problems. About a month ago her family became worried that she might try to kill herself and put her in a mental hospital for a week. I've been calling her at least weekly, if not more, and after not being able to get ahold of her for a week, I called her mom's house and learned that she's back there again.

And I just feel like if I had listened more, if I'd called her back faster, of I had fucking just LISTENED instead of suggesting ways to get out of her head and tried to help, if I'd made good on my offer for her to come up here and visit and get away from everything...

I know it's her life. But I just feel like I should have done more.

*sigh*

Comments

[todd-loves-mc.livejournal.com]

awwww hugs

i'm sorry to hear that. I hope your friend will be all right and im sure she knows that you care especially after all your phonecalls and all.

i dont know but maybe you could write to her let her know that your still there for her, thinking of her and all that.

[daniko.livejournal.com]

I suffered from serious depression for years. Never hospitalized, but that's not because there weren't times I should have been. When the depression gets that deep, the people you love aren't enough. If your friend is depressed enough to need hospitalization, it's unlikely that you could have prevented it. You've been there for her, and you still are. Let her know that you care; keep being available. That's really all you can do.

[bitofaspaz.livejournal.com]

Hey sweets. Don't feel badly. Worry and be concerned, but don't feel like you didn't do enough. If she is clinically depressed, then it's a chemical thing, and there's not much you could do.

My close friend just went through the same thing. She was an inpatient for 2 weeks while they stabilized her with the right meds and then they wanted her to go to a 6-8 week day programme... (which she is not doing but THAT is a whole other story).

A weekend away wouldn't have changed much. It's a good thing that she's under someone's care. If they admitted her, she needs it. People with depression can take a lot out of their support systems, which is horrid because they are SO needed and critical to their recovery.

She's going to need to address the chemical imbalance (ie. figure out the right meds), do a cognitive restructuring and/or thought-stopping workshop (or something)and she'll need your encouragement and support to keep at it.

Getting motivated is half the problem for people diagnosed with depression.

God. Re-reading this, I think I'm coming off like a know it all...:P

If you ever want to chat... my YIM is bitofaspaz.

*hugs*

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

Well, why not? This is your area! You would know. :)

Salix, listen to Joanna. She's smart. And *hugs*

[mayflo.livejournal.com]

Hi. It's sad about your friend. We make a lot of mistakes in our lives. We struggle to do our best but notice it was wrong. And sometimes we realise about that when it's too late.

That happened to me too about a year ago. Only in my case, that dear someone... did kill herself and still eats at my core.
You're not too late. Do what you think best and do listen to her more. Just be close to her... Be there for her...

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I hope she will be all right as well. I like the idea of sending her letters - maybe I can address them to her mother and ask her to pass them along.

Excellent suggestion!

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your reassuring words - it helps. :)

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. But I agree - we do the best we can, and should try to let go of feeling guilty. Guilt doesn't really help anyone, and what matters is trying to do better next time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

*hug*

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

*hug* Thank you for everything you said - it really does help to read a "professional opinion" on the subject.

I guess I have issues because I've always dealt with depression my whole life, but apparently not to that degree. I think I made the mistake of thinking that what helps me would help her, and that seems to nt be the case.

I am glad she's getting the help she needs, and will try to stay in contact, through letters now and phone calls later... (Do you know if they'll pass them along? Should I not seal the letters so that can be read by staff to make sure I'm not saying horrid things?)

*hug* again and a *smooch* for good measure. :)

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Agreed - bitofaspaz is wonderful. :)

*hug*

[bitofaspaz.livejournal.com]

Letters will likely be opened if she's not deemed competent/capable of managing her own affairs. At least that's what we do... Good luck. She's lucky to have a friend who is able to be as supportive and concerned as you right now.

xxx ooo

J.

[todd-loves-mc.livejournal.com]

i know from working in an elderly care home with all sorts of residents that they really appricate letters cause some times those and the staff will be the only contact they get and it can really make their days.

[niennas-dreams.livejournal.com]

As other people have said, there's nothing you could have done. You've had some good advice so all I'll say is that I know how you feel. My best friend, who I've known since I was 15, has always had problems. Sometimes I live in fear that she will kill herself. I would do anything for her but nothing is enough because nothing can take it away. I hate that. And I'm well acquainted with the guilt.

*hugs you tight*

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the answer about the letters. And for both listening and sharing. *hug*

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

:) And that reminds me that I ought to write my grandmother, too. *hug*

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing your experiences with your friend - it really does help to hear that someone else has been through these feelings, too.

*hugsyouback*

[niennas-dreams.livejournal.com]

I hope things are better for her - and you - now. It's horrible to be in that situation.

*more hugs*

Sorry this is late! *shamed face*