weekly catch-up

[salixbabylon]

I thought I'd take a break for a while, because my brain was tired, but now it's overly full.


#1, Two Amusing Anecdotes - So last night, I'm driving home and I'm stopped at a stoplight. This gorgeous girl walks up to wait to cross the street. Skin that you couldn't describe as anything other than chocolate, except maybe silk, long hair in those millions of tight braids, short skirt, sandals with heels, tank top. Abundant curves that should be illegal. I'm totally drooling, looking at her. She is joined by short-haired blond babydyke, boots, khakis, tight t-shirt, no bra. My brain stops functioning completely. I don't even notice that I'm staring anymore.

Eventually, the blonde smirks at me, which catches my eye. The light is green, and apparently has been for a few moments. I can feel my face, neck, chest, and ears burst into flame as I drive away in amused humiliation.

Today, I notice during yoga class, that I can see into the pool area from the studio. Can, in fact, see a team of swimmer-boys, in their impossibly tiny little Speedos. Blonds, all of them. One pale and slim. I lose my balance and fall out of the yoga pose we're supposed to be holding.

Did everyone on the planet suddenly get really fuckable or am I having hormones again?

#2, Nature is Driving Me Mad - So on the walk to yoga (before the swimmer-flustering), I saw a little black caterpillar starting across the road. "Oh no, Mr. Caterpillar," I thought out loud. "You don't want to do that. It will take you a long time to get across the road, and you might get hit by a car. Plus, I can see that there aren't any green plants over there. You should turn around." Then I realize that I'm GIVING ADVICE TO A CATERPILLAR and am clearly mad. I walk on, leaving the creature to its fate.

On the way back from yoga, I see a little black string in the path. I'm a bit clumsy, and in trying to step over it, I step on it. It's not a string, it's a tiny little snake, and it hisses and strikes at my shoe. I scream like a little girl and run away. I am such an idiot.

But it's not my fault, because Mother Nature is out to get me. Apparently when the tree fell on my brand-new shiny Sevvy-car a few months ago, that was not enough. Now she's determined to drive me insane.

#3, Cosmic DUH! Moment - So I decided that I want a tattoo for my 30th birthday. But I can't figure out what symbol. I've toyed with a few pagan symbols, a few goddess symbols, the idea of a quill, but nothing seems right. As I'm driving to work, out of the blue, not thinking about it at all, I suddenly remember a dream I had around the time of my birthday -last- year. A dream where I had a symbol burned into my forearm, all silvery scar tissue and raised. A symbol I've never been able to find anywhere else, but whose parts are several different symbols, both runes and astrology, male and female, sun and moon, weapons and peace - a symbol of strength. DUH! I have my own symbol.

Now I just have to decide if getting a really small version of that on my inner wrist, over the veins I so often think of as tempting me, is a too-obvious place and will invite too much notice...

#4, Another Spectacular Failure At Giving Up Slash - So my brain really hurt after that flurry of writing, and I told myself I'd stop reading slash for a while. And I did, kind of. I haven't read any HP slash in weeks. Nor even any hetfics, which I consoled myself with the last time I tried to give it up. *het - ew!*

BUT. My friend Lostiawen, who has been pointing me toward PotC slash, finally pointed me to a few archives and things. And I got curious about what she was writing. And it turns out she's written TONS of stuff, mostly LotR and *drumroll* this whole new world that I'd never even heard of, Real Person Slash. (Also, I should thank amariel for this.) I had never conceived of such a thing.

I have wasted so much time this week, it's not even funny. It's like there's this whole new flavor or color that I never even knew about. I don't even know if I like it or not, but I'm fascinated nonetheless. And DAMN, I'm astounded at the number of authors who write in all these different fandoms. How much spare time do these people have? I'm blown away.

And slightly afraid that I may be wandering away from the HP world, at least for a while...

#5, Question - So should I finish the PotC fic I started or the stupid sequel to VS that's looking to be novel-length again?

Comments

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Do the novel. It's most satisfying.

It's not hard to turn a caterpillar's life around. A leaf, a piece of paper... move him to the grass. *sighs in sadness at a world that can't stop for five minutes to help something helpless. On the other hand, most would not have even notice. Next time...*

Icarus

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

It's a bit eyebrow-raising when one gives advice to Creatures Bent on Going the Wrong Way. It's far worse when they refuse to take it. I endangered my children and self by herding a family of ducks off the expressway and through five blocks of suburbia to the school pond. Alas, those stubborn, doomed ducks turned around the next day and attempted the same damned journey, and got themselves flattened.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

You don't know what impact you had on those ducks (hmm. That may be a bad choice of words) and their quality of life by giving them that one extra day. We've all had that kind of day that 'makes' our vacation, or our summer. You could have given them that.

That was a tremendously kind thing you did, and no harm came from it (some kindness can be stupid and harmful - giving money to a drug addict who buys the drug that kills him for example). One of the hardest things about generousity and kindness is to learn that value of it is in being kind, not in the result. The expectation that those darn ducks would stay there is a kind of 'pay-off' mentality. Being tremendously kind is wonderful. The next stage of it is to work through having expectations of others. Because, naturally, ducks are stupid.

The only expectation you can have is of yourself. When you meet your own standards, then you can be happy with your kindness whether it has a certain result or not.

Icarus

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

"The only expectation you can have is of yourself. When you meet your own standards, then you can be happy with your kindness whether it has a certain result or not."

Good lesson- and it's applicable to so many aspects of life. Gift-giving, charitable donations, and volunteer work come to mind, as would many others if I sat and thought long enough.

And thank you for saying I was kind; if you could have heard me running along behind them and cursing them for their infuriating detours through low-lying shrubbery, you might retract the compliment! :)

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

One of the hardest things about generosity and kindness is to learn that value of it is in being kind, not in the result.

I agree with laurelwood - thank you for this reminder. Hard lesson to learn, and even harder to implement, but the payoff is definitely worth it.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

You're welcome, both of you. *shrugs* I've done a lot of volunteer work and was ordained for a long time, so I've had to come to some of these conclusions. Or else I'd wring certain peoples' necks! LOL

Icarus

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

Agreed... I felt bad about not turning it around, but it really was a semi-conscious decision (or was it an excuse? Sometimes it's hard to tell) to go with a policy of non-intervention. The prime directive.

On the plus side, I didn't see it smushed as I walked back, and I was looking for it. So either it made it safely or decided to turn around.

Sometimes I wonder how it's possible to hold mutually conflicting philosophies, of self-determination and of the inter-connectedness of all things. I hope one philosophy wins eventually because it's very confusing to be caught between two. Mostly noticeably when I think about myself and my own life, though. Am I in control or am I just rebounding from the actions of others? Most likely, neither...

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oooo. Fascinating. There's no contradiction between self-determination and interconnectedness, actually.

What causes confusion about this is the concept of time. We think of time as solid, set in stone, real. The past is real, the future is this real mass of possibilities - and we make our choices based on the past (fears that such and so did this, so Now..) or hope for the future (if I do this then it will..). The past however, is gone, and even our memories slant things, emphasize some things over others. It isn't a good ruler. The future is unpredictable, and not manifest yet. What we have is the now, the endless possibility.

Within that, we have self-determination, and our lives are interconnected with the larger picture of others. It only seems like we have no control, because we have no control over what doesn't exist anymore (the past), and doesn't exist yet (the future). Of course!

Now, if you look even closer at that instant of 'now' you discover it's made up of past/present/future, too. And what exists is what physicists would call 'vast potential.'

That isn't to say, well I'm never going to learn from my past mistakes, or, well I'm not going to bother with saving for retirement because there is no future. It's that if you put your attention on taking care of the now, the past and future right themselves. It's a little like Benjamin Franklin's saying, (I'm paraphrasing badly) "watch your nickle and dimes, and the dollars will look after themselves."

I'm eager to continue the discussion. This is fun.

Icarus

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

It is fun - it's nice to discover someone who doesn't mind the occasional philosophical discussion, in addition to the smut. *g*

I agree that Time is the main thing that creates these illusions of control and lack of it, and agree with the theory behind your ideas completely. It's damned hard to act on it appropriately, though. How can we both learn from life (the Past) and yet let go of the Past, so that we have no expectations of the Present and Future? We are such Time-bound creatures...

Sometimes I am so thankful to not be caught in the mind/body dualism concepts, so thankful to be a spirit in a fleshly body, able to enjoy so many sensual things. Other times, it's difficult not to feel sad from the knowledge that all physical things die and are limited and bound by linear Time.

At least in this incarnation.

If I believe that I always existed and always will, then how am I defining "myself"? Obviously I've only been in this body for 30 years - so does that disprove my believe that the mind/body split is a false concept? Or is it just that this version of "me" is physical, and there may have been and might still be other versions?

A friend of mine has a philosophy that she calls "soul-soup," where the definition of oneself is twofold, being both the individual carrot or pea in the soup, and part of the larger soup itself...

Boy, that's quite the rambling tangent.

Time = confusing.

How's that for a summary? ;)